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We offer coaching and training
on systemic coaching, family constellations,
resolving
identity issues and toxic relationship bonds.
Identification is normal human behavior. People often
identify with their occupations, with their clothes and with their country. They
may identify with family members, friends or football teams. They may identify with
their beliefs, with their emotions and with diagnostic labels. Identifications
are associated with
strong or overwhelming emotions ... many people live and die
defending their identifications.
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I'm very sad and I have sad beliefs ... but that is all I really know about myself ...
it's not me, but I'm
scared that
might not like who I really am. Vancouver, Canada |
Identification & Identity Loss
Temporary identification is a common, everyday human experience.
You imagine what other people might feel and how they may act.
It's normal. (Some therapists do this habitually; some feel well if someone
describes a joyful occasion, and feel ill if someone describes
an accident or disease.)
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The mechanism responsible for
the acquisition of emotional responses that resemble those of
someone else is identification. Identification is a learning
process by means of which one person models himself, herself after
another.
S.Jourard
& T.Landsman, Healthy Personality, ISBN 0-02-361390-4, p 135 |
You can identify with almost anybody or anything, although the duration
and emotional intensity may vary. At a cinema, if you identify with an actor or
actress, you may feel strong emotions during a movie. If you identify with an
organization, you may forget or hide your values to conform with the
organization.
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My husband bought his first brand new car - and he was so
proud of it. But when he found the first scratch, he put his hand on his stomach
and groaned like someone had punched him. Then I knew what you meant by
identification! Frankfurt, Germany |
It seems that the extent to which you identify with whatever is not-you,
is the extent to which you lose access to your own identity. We call this
identity loss ... if you identify with a family member as a child, you may
remain identified with that person for years ... or for a lifetime ... unconsciously expressing
emotions, beliefs and behaviors that would be more appropriate for your role model.
Chronic Identification
Instilling chronic identification is sometimes called
brainwashing. Students are expected to identify with their school
sport teams. Residents are expected to identify with their communities
and immigrants are expected to identify with a new country's values.
Cults, religions and military organizations may create conditions which
provoke psychotic identification - even to previously
despised beliefs and values.
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If you are identified, you may feel
something or somebody inside or near you that somehow influences your
behavior. You may feel a sense of guidance ... or paranoia. |
Extreme identification is sometimes called spirit
possession, in which the role model is perceived as an esoteric
entity or spirit presence. Sometimes, people with exaggerated cases of what we
call identification are labeled as having schizophrenia, or multiple
personalities, or bipolar, and are medicated with psychoactive drugs.
People who are chronically identified seem to live in
an endless trance, with little contact with their own emotions, beliefs
and thoughts. Their core identity may be lost or hidden, and they may
act in ways that are more appropriate for their (unconscious) role models.
Although they may be unable to explain their behavior, and although they
may offer peculiar justifications, identified behavior is
rather predictable.
Most emotions and beliefs concerning identification with
another person are triggered in specific contexts of life. We use this
to help people regain their own (original) sense of identity.
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I lost myself years ago ... I joined the
army and became an obedient zombie. I always knew there was more to me ... you
helped me find the real me ... small, childish and scared ...
but definitely ME. Finally I can learn to know myself! Leeds, England |
Most chronic identifications are with family members -
especially those who died prematurely (especially following
abortion or suicide)
or members who were perceived as victims.
Existential or
chronic identification is a form of identity loss. Other common forms of
identity loss are Lost Identity and Identity Conflict. Systemic
coaching offers you ways to regain your natural identity.
Possession
. Exit Coaching .
Psych
Ops .
Soul Cult
Advantages of Identity Loss
The common types of identification show
up as
chronic anger,
chronic sadness,
chronic anxiety or
chronic conflict. Each type
has characteristic behavioral, verbal and non-verbal signals. Identity
loss seems to follow systemic rules.
People who identified with victims may be generally
suspicious. A person who has identified with a dead person is often
melancholic and may be obsessed with death. A hero identified person
is generally fearful and anxious about any change. Sometimes these basic
identifications are mixed - for example, a sibling of an aborted child
may show signs of "identification with a dead victim".
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I get angry if I see injustice - it's
like a demon possesses me - just takes me over - and then I can break things ...
or people. I lose control. That's not very good for a policeman ... I have
put my life in the service of justice. Kona, Hawaii |
What we call Lost Identity and Identity Conflict
are also identity issues.
Lost Identity refers to chronic dissociated behavior (picture a math professor
pondering a complex equation) and Identity Conflict refers to chronic bi-polar
behavior swings (think of classic descriptions of "split personality).
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I realized that because my father was so
weak, I tried to be my own tough father ... weird ... you helped me find myself
... and you helped him / me grow up. It sounds so ridiculous ... but now I am
ME! Adelaide, Australia |
Who Suffers Identification?
People who are identified are often easy to recognize. The
lights are on - but who is home? People who have identified with someone may
show strong emotional reactions, but become trance-like if asked "What
do you really want?" We coach motivated adults to explore who
identified with whom and why; and to find effective solutions.
Many identified people:
- Cannot specify timed goals
- May avoid finishing tasks or projects
- May offer endless justifications and excuses
- Are often depressed - their lives do not make sense
- May express strong, inappropriate anger, sadness or anxiety
- May seek endless distractions (may be obsessive/compulsive
about trivia)
- May only describe what is important or what
makes sense by quoting other people
Dissolve Identification
The resolution of identification and identity loss usually
includes finding and integrating a lost or hidden self. We help people
resolve identification and identity loss, and other persisting consequences
of emotional stress, abuse or trauma. We can help people find and integrate
their lost or hidden selves.
Our Systemic
Coaching - A Medical Doctor's Review
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Emotional First Aid for Overwhelming
Feelings
Breathe deeply and walk
Avoid acting out strong emotions until you are calm
Remind yourself that strong emotions may not be yours
Consider whose emotions you may be carrying ... and why |
We help people find solutions for
emotional and relationship problems.
Click HERE to make an appointment!
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers,
All rights reserved 2002-2010 |
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