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We offer coaching and training
on systemic psychology, family constellations,
resolving
identity issues and changing deep limiting beliefs.
Identification is normal human behavior. People
often identify with their occupations, with their clothes, cars and country.
They may identify with family members, friends or football teams. They may
identify with their beliefs, with their emotions and with diagnostic labels.
Identifications are associated with strong emotions ...
many people live and die defending their identifications.
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I'm very sad and I have sad beliefs
... that is all I know about myself ... it's like I'm not me,
but I'm scared that I might not like who I really am. Vancouver,
Canada
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Identification & Identity Loss
Temporary identification is a common, everyday human
experience. You imagine what other people might feel and how they may act.
It's normal. (Some people do this habitually; they feel well if someone
describes a joyful occasion, and feel bad if someone describes
an accident or disease.)
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The mechanism responsible for
the acquisition of emotional responses that resemble those of
someone else is identification. Identification is a learning
process by means of which one person models himself, herself after
another.
S.Jourard
& T.Landsman, Healthy Personality, ISBN 0-02-361390-4, p 135 |
You can identify with almost anybody or anything,
although the duration and emotional intensity may vary. At a cinema,
if you identify with an actor or actress, you may feel strong emotions
during a movie. If you identify with an organization, you may forget
or hide your values to conform with the organization.
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My husband bought his first new car - and he was so
proud of it. But when he found the first scratch, he put his hand on his
stomach and groaned like someone had punched him. Then I knew what you
meant by identification! Frankfurt, Germany |
It seems that the extent to which you identify with
whatever is not-you, is the extent to which you lose access to your own
identity. We call this identity loss
... if you identify with a family member as a child, you may remain
identified with that person for years ... or for a lifetime ...
unconsciously expressing emotions, beliefs and behaviors that would
be more appropriate for your role model.
Chronic Identification
Instilling chronic identification is sometimes called
brainwashing. Students are expected to identify with their school
sport teams. Residents are expected to identify with their communities
and immigrants are expected to identify with a new country's values.
Cults, religions and military organizations may create conditions which
provoke psychotic identification - even to previously
despised beliefs and values.
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If you are identified, you may feel
something or somebody inside or near you that
influences your
behavior. You may feel a sense of guidance ... or paranoia. |
Extreme identification might be called spirit
possession, in which the role model is perceived as an esoteric
entity or spiritual presence. Sometimes, people with exaggerated cases
of what we may call false identification (a form of identity loss)
appear to be labeled as having schizophrenia, multiple personalities
or bipolar disorder, and may be medicated with psychoactive drugs.
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While in the psychoanalytic literature there
is agreement that the core meaning of identification is "to be like or to
become like another'" it has also been judged '"the most perplexing
clinical/theoretical area" in psychoanalysis'.
Wikipedia |
People who have chronically identified with someone else often seem to live in
an endless trance, with little contact with their own emotions, beliefs
and thoughts. Their core identity seems to be lost or hidden, and they may
act in ways that are more appropriate for their (unconscious) role models.
Although identified people may be unable to explain their behavior, and although they
may offer strange justifications for their decisions, identified behavior is
rather predictable. Most of their emotions and beliefs (concerning identification with
another person) appear to be triggered by specific events. We help people assess
their identification and then regain their own (original) sense of identity.
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I lost myself many years ago ... I joined
the army and became an obedient zombie. I always knew there was more to me
... you helped me find the real me ... small, childish and scared ...
but ME. Finally I can learn to know myself! Leeds, England |
It seems that most chronic identifications are with family
members - especially family members who died prematurely (e.g. following
abortion or suicide)
or family members who were perceived as victims. We perceive both existential or chronic identification
as forms of identity
loss. Other forms of identity loss include what we call Lost Identity
(dissociation) and Identity
Conflict (chronic conflict).
Do you want to explore and regain your natural
or true identity?
We have many ways to help people dis-identify with their role models.
Possession
. Exit Coaching .
Psych Ops
. Soul Cult
Advantages of Identity Loss
The common types of identification show
up as
chronic anger,
chronic sadness,
chronic anxiety or
chronic conflict. Each type
has characteristic behavioral, verbal and non-verbal signals.
Identity loss seems to follow systemic rules.
People who identify with victims may be generally
suspicious. People who have identified with dead persons are often
melancholic and may be obsessed with death. A hero identified person may be fearful and anxious about
any change. Sometimes these basic
identifications are mixed - for example, a sibling of an aborted child
may show signs of "identification with a dead victim".
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I get angry if I see injustice - it's
like a demon possesses me - it takes me over - and then I can break things ...
or people. I lose control. That's not very good for a policeman ... I have
put my life in the service of justice. Kailua, Hawaii |
What we call Lost Identity and Identity Conflict
are also identity issues.
Lost Identity refers to chronic dissociated behavior (picture a math professor
pondering a complex equation) and Identity Conflict refers to chronic bi-polar
behavior swings (think of classic descriptions of "split personality).
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I realized that because my father was so
weak, I tried to be my own tough father ... weird ... you helped me find myself
... and you helped him / me grow up. It sounds ridiculous ... but now I am
ME! Adelaide, Australia |
Who Suffers Identification?
People who are identified are often easy to recognize. The
lights are on - but who is home? People who have identified with someone may
show strong emotional reactions, but become trance-like if asked "What
do you really want?" We coach people to explore who
identified with whom and why; and to find effective solutions.
After a while, identification becomes quite easy to recognize
... many identified people:
- Cannot specify timed goals
- May avoid finishing tasks or projects
- May offer endless justifications and excuses
- Are often depressed - their lives do not make sense
- May express strong, inappropriate anger, sadness or anxiety
- May seek endless distractions (may be obsessive/compulsive
about trivia)
- May only describe what is important or what
makes sense by quoting other people
Dissolve Identification
The resolution of identification and identity loss usually
includes finding and integrating a lost or hidden part of self. We help people
resolve identifications and identity loss, and other consequences
of emotional stress, abuse or trauma. We help people find and integrate
their lost or hidden selves.
Our Systemic
Coaching - A Medical Doctor's Review
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Emotional First Aid for Overwhelming
Feelings
Seek ways to be calm. Breathe deeply and walk
Remind yourself that strong emotions may not be yours
Consider whose emotions you may be carrying ... and why ... |
We help people find solutions for
emotional and relationship problems.
Online Coaching to Explore your
Personal Identity
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, All rights reserved 2002-2012 |
