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Emotional Incest - A True Story
Many teenage girls suffer the consequences
of a father-daughter-mother triangle in which
the father's over-expressed love for the daughter motivates the mother to
reject both daughter and father. Covert
emotional incest often causes
teenage rebellion - of parents who loved
their children inappropriately. See
Daddy's Princess and
Mother's Little Prince.
These excerpts of
conversations are lightly
edited and are posted with permission.
... My father loves me but my mother
disapproves of everything I do. She rejects me and she calls me depressed and
hyperactive and worse ... I don't know what I did to hurt her - and I hurt too
... no matter how much sex, booze or grass, my hurt comes back ... when I'm
alone, I cry and scream. Sometimes I cut or burn myself. Pain helps me
feel calm ... for a while. I'm 17 years old and I
feel that I have no future ...
Teenage girls who feel rejected by their mothers
react in many predictable ways. In our experience, these girls may ...
- dye their hair in multiple colors
- take prescription anti-depressants
- are very thin - sometimes anorexic
- use or have used illegal drugs heavily
- have cuts or cigarette burns on their arms
- have self-inflicted piercing with unusual studs
- prefer garish make-up - often shades of purple
... a few months ago I tried to kill myself
by drinking cleaning fluid. But my best friend phoned the police. When they
saw my wrists, they knew I'd tried to kill myself before. They gave me
antidepressants and a suicide watch. At least they cared that much.
Although we find that depression usually reflects relationship
issues, a common solution for depression is medication. The more expensive
anti-depressants are SSRI - selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors such as Zoloft, Prozac or Paxil. These drugs increase
serotonin in the brain. But if depression is reflecting relationship problems,
then drugs, legal or illegal, are unlikely to heal
Common Side Effects of SSRI Anti-Depressants
- Upset stomach
- Heavy sweating
- Disturbed sleep
- Decreased libido
Many older, cheaper anti-depressants are MAOI
(MonoAmine Oxidase Inhibitors), with worse side effects.
MAO inhibitors such as Nardil, Parnate and Marplan
may be prescribed when other drugs fail. For side effects of MAOI anti-depressants
Side Effects of MAOI.
Ritalin, an amphetamine, is a drug of choice for
hyperactivity and attention deficit
disorders. Side effects associated with Ritalin
include irritability, anger and loss of appetite.
Many depressed survivors of emotional incest
medicate themselves with alcohol, nicotine and illegal drugs.
You may call these people addicts ... do you truly not hear their silent screams for help?
Attachment Disorders & Relationship Bonds
Emotional incest seems to generate limiting beliefs that can affect all aspects of life.
We offer coaching solutions for:
- Behavior: defiant, impulsive,
destructive, lies and steals, aggressive and abusive, hyperactive,
self-destructive, cruel, irresponsible
- Emotions: intense anger, sadness,
depressed, hopeless, moody, anxious, irritable
- Thoughts: limiting self-beliefs, poor
friendship skills, attention and learning problems
- Relationships: no trust,
controlling, manipulative, unstable relationships, victimizer
- Physical: poor hygiene, accidents,
dissociated, depressed, hyperactive
- Moral/Spiritual: lack of
compassion, remorse, meaning, identifies with darkness
Medication is a common way to manage (but not cure) these
symptoms. Medication is not the only way to manage symptoms - but may it may
be the easiest way and is most often recommended by trusted medical authorities.
... Last year
I started having sex with my 37 year old social worker. He told me that he
would teach me about sex. He is gentle. He has other young girls - he said
he doesn't want a girl over 18. He wants two or three of "his girls"
together but I said no to that. I don't know why.
Sexual intercourse with many partners increases the
risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and damaged reproductive
health. Studies show that girls who start having sex at young ages often
have many sexual partners. Also, teenage girls who have sex with more
than one partner over a few weeks are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol,
use illegal drugs and / or sniff glue.
These behaviors are likely to hurt a girl's health,
education, sport abilities, future partnership and / or future children, unless the
underlying emotions are assimilated and any trauma or abuse resolved.
... I know lots of girls who are like me
but my best friend is more stable. We sometimes sleep together ... people
call us bisexual but our boyfriends say its OK. We go to a girl's boarding
school ... some days its more like a mental hospital for rich girls. Some
of us will only go to university if our parents bribe somebody ... or if
we seduce somebody ... it happens a lot.
Medication is not the only way. We often help
people manage complex relationship problems, although few people who
have not witnessed our work can imagine that fast, effective solutions
Adults . Individual Coaching
. Couple Coaching
. Family Coaching
Adolescents and teenagers who feel abandoned or rejected by their parents
may become sad, anxious or angry if asked about their goals. They often:
- avoid finishing projects
- cannot specify congruent goals
- distract themselves with obsessions
- express anxiety and strong emotions
- offer endless excuses for their behavior
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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 1999-2013 All rights reserved