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In this article I attempt to
condense years of experience gained as people identified and
dissolved emotional blocks and relationship issues that delayed or prevented
their spiritual development.
Spiritual Development, Religion & Identity
Spirituality is a warm and fluffy word for me,
while religion seems cooler and more demanding. For me, spiritual
development seems to imply personal evolution, while religious behavior
seems to imply personal submission. Both imply that following certain rules or
recipes has lasting benefits.
Rather than arguing about definitions, lets look at the goals.
For me, a primary goal of religion is obedience
- an ongoing sense of surrender and duty that builds stability and security. For me, a primary
goal of spirituality is
happiness - an ongoing sense
of connectedness and fulfillment that builds relationships and vibrant
community. Many people
participating in religions say that they are spiritual.
Relationship behavior seems to be a useful
measure of obedience and happiness. Whatever the truth within the myths and
legends surrounding the founders of religions and spiritual paths, both obedience and happiness affect how people
express love (or caring or respect) in their relationships. I perceive a sense of duty and a pursuit of
shared happiness as
relationship qualities - not individual habits.
Both religious dogma or spiritual development can lead to a sense
of connectedness and a life of integrity. Both can define and constrain a
sense of identity, relationship behavior and forms of success.
Our personal identities seem to define which relationship
qualities we develop. By identity, I refer to the essence of a person.
For me this is not ego (I perceive ego as a split-off
teenage part) nor
personality (I perceive personality as a mish-mash of masks, habits and
fixations).
For me, identity refers to a sense of Self - a
heart-full sum of human qualities - a sense of integrity
and connectedness. And identity is something that we can
hide, forget or lose.
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Identity loss
can refer to a
state of emotional numbness or a lost sense of self.
The lights are on but nobody is home.
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What is Spirituality?
Spirituality appears to be an integral part of all
human cultures. Spiritual development may be regarded as connection to something
external to the self, or as an internal experience, or both. At its most basic,
spirituality might be called luck. A lone survivor of a disaster may be called
special, holy or chosen.
Spirituality includes approaching external spiritual
agencies through their symbolic manifestations - by showing submission, fear, respect,
gratitude or reverence. Spirituality may
also be assessed in terms of ability to negotiate with esoteric agencies,
evidenced by good luck for an individual or a community.
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During your coaching I was shocked to
discover that everyday conversations
can feel like spiritual events. I communicate with people very differently now. |
In contrast, religious behavior is more often a reverence
for sacred objects, learning chants and songs, repeating body movements and reciting
dogma. If these cases, religious development might be measured in terms of ability to
remember and repeat these lessons. Sacred images, chants, mythic language,
incense and ritual can be used to support beliefs and maintain community bonds.
Spiritual Experiences
Expect descriptions of spiritual experiences to
be
questioned and criticized. A claim of a relationship with an esoteric agency may
indicate sainthood one culture - and psychotic delusions in another. Similarly, experiences
following the ingestion of psychotropic substances may indicate the presence of
spirituality in one country - and the absence of spirituality in another.
Descriptions of spiritual experiences vary
between cultures. Many skills that you may take for granted were once evidence of
magic or spirituality. These skills include remembering, writing,
spelling, mental arithmetic and planning. (Have you ever been enchanted
by a spell?).
Having observed spiritual experiences in many cultures,
there appears to be a predictable hierarchy. Here is a simple table I created to assess spiritual
development, based on Dr Gregory Bateson's hierarchy of abstraction (see Steps to an Ecology
of Mind, 1976):
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Abstraction |
Evidence of Spirituality |
|
Places |
Some locations
are considered especially sacred or spiritual - often locations with unusual
geographic features - or a place where one or more persons have died or been
buried - or a place where an unusual event was recorded. |
|
Things |
Some items and
objects are considered especially spiritual - often objects of
unusual scarcity. Spiritual objects also include possessions or even
parts of people who were recognized as "spiritually advanced". |
|
Actions |
Some body movements
or repetitive behaviors are considered sacred. This includes movements,
chants, repeated words or thoughts that symbolize or request a "preferred"
relationship with an esoteric or spiritual agency. |
|
Beliefs |
Some beliefs are
considered especially spiritual. Spiritual beliefs often lack factual basis,
and often concern dead people or special locations. |
|
Values |
Some values are
considered especially spiritual. Spiritual values often lack practicality
and can rarely be measured or assessed in ordinary reality. |
|
Identity |
Some identities are considered spiritual. Some people recognized as spiritual
communicated with abstract metaphors and often died in interesting ways. Their
lives typically include periods of suffering during which they found
ways to limit their suffering, often by identification and dissociation. |
|
Transpersonal |
Transcendence of
identity is a goal of many spiritual paths, although expect bitter disputes about whether or not a person has
actually transcended. |
What is Identity Loss?
Identity loss refers to emotional numbness, dissociation
and depersonalization. However, if the symptoms of identity loss do not cause
significant emotional distress or interfere with normal functioning, those
symptoms are
unlikely to be recognized or resolved.
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Some people describe feeling separate
from their minds or bodies. Such dissociated self-perceptions are often
called detachment or depersonalization.
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A survey by the U.S. National Institutes of Mental
Health (NIMH) indicated that about half of American adults have experienced
brief episodes of depersonalization, usually resulting from
trauma. I would suggest that spiritual
abuse
and mentor damage are also primary causes of chronic
dissociation.
Symptoms of identity loss may be worsened by childish
beliefs and immature habits. People who did not learn how to behave as mature adults may
be unable to enjoy lasting happy relationships (e.g. family, friendship,
teams, partnership, parenthood or community) although they may seek or proclaim a perfect
relationship (often with an esoteric perfect mother or father) as evidence of
spiritual growth.
Many people start to show signs of identity loss
during the challenges of adolescence and leaving home. Some warning signals
are social isolation, loneliness and addictions. Empty people try to fill their
emptiness - but junk food, pornography or narcotics are poor substitutes for happiness.
My colleagues and I have helped people from many
racial or ethic backgrounds dissolve blocks to spiritual progress. We find that more
women than men ask for help with symptoms of identity loss,
although many men won't ask for help when lost in a strange city -
let alone when lost in life.
Consequences
We meet many people with symptoms of identity loss who not
want to improve. They often believe themselves to be special and/or enlightened
and may claim to have destroyed their ego or got rid of
their emotions or
that they now live
in samadhi, satori or enlightenment. And, depending on their
definitions - perhaps they do.
My colleagues and I observe people's relationship skills
... or lack thereof ... and enquire about their relationship history. Dissociated
people often describe relationship chaos and avoid
responsibilities of healthy relationships. Lacking relationship skills, they may
prefer shallow affairs to commitment - and short-term fun to lasting
happiness. Often described as reserved or withdrawn
loners, such people may prefer seclusion and celibacy to the challenges
of committed teamwork, partnership
and parenthood.
But every Peter Pan needs a caretaker - a Wendy. It is
interesting to notice how dissociated and detached people cope with the practical
details of their everyday lives. Who looks after them? Why?
My colleagues and I coach people to manage
complex relationships and change difficult emotions. This includes helping people find
lost parts (resources
or qualities) of themselves and helping people define and plan appropriate
goals that can utilize and integrate those once-lost parts.
Spiritual Ecology and Sense of Life
It is interesting to observe the evidence of
spiritual development used on various spiritual paths. We study the beliefs, values,
relationship skills and spiritual goals of happy people whose lives make sense.
We are fascinated by how those people recognized and dissolved their blocks to
happiness, often by helping other people enjoy these same
rewards.
Spirituality for Couples .
Spirituality for Families .
Is Soulwork "New
Age"?
Happiness, fulfillment and spirituality are
individual experiences and relationship qualities.
We help people clarify their goals, manage their emotions and
enjoy healthty relationships.
Online Coaching & Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2010-2012
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