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PAS Part 1: Before Adolescence
PAS Part 2: After Adolescence
When Children Hate Parents
Although it is a crime to 'incite hatred
on the basis of color, religion, or creed', inciting hatred is common in
dysfunctional families. A family member may be manipulated to
hate another family member. A parent who incites a child to
hate the other parent is guilty of Parental Alienation (PAS) - sometimes called
emotional blackmail. A child is abused so
that a partner can gain an advantage.
Many of the consequences are immediate, and some are delayed
for years. Later in life many people experience buried emotions and realize the
extent of the damage from being abused as a child. An example of these
cross-generational entanglements is
identification with a victim.
Soulwork systemic coaching
can help dissolve the consequences and prevent recurrence of abuse. Note that
PAS is not gender-based - both fathers and mothers can and do play this terrible
game..
My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father!
There are systemic causes and consequences when a child
rejects a parent,. Both the family and the community will respond
emotionally, usually to support the mother, regardless of any
manipulation used to incite the child's rejection.
In extreme cases, a child victim of PAS may commit abuse and
violence against a parent. A child, usually a boy, may attack or abuse the hated
parent - usually the father.
|
July 2004: Mass, USA |
An American teenager legally
terminated his father's parental rights following the murder of his
mother by his father. BBC News, July 2004 |
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August 2004: Texas, USA |
A 10-year-old son of a divorced
American couple shot his father dead near his mother's home in
Texas, police say. The divorce was described as "bitter and ugly"
by the father's friends. BBC News, August 2004 |
Who Gets Hurt?
Children are intelligent and sensitive to family
relationships. Although many adults consider children to be stupid and naive -
children may be unable to communicate their observations with adult language -
and be ignored or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.
- A child may be manipulated by a
parent, for revenge or for custody
- A child may be simultaneously manipulated
by both parents to reject each other
- A child may be guided by family or
community members to reject their parents
- Adopted children may be encouraged to reject their birth parents
A child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and
the supported parent will show predictable, often severe emotional
consequences. The suffering associated with these consequences are often ignored.
Parent Alienation Syndrome may include
emotional incest.
If so, later in life, the "emotionally entangled" adult child
may suffer future partnership problems and sexual dysfunction.
[ Coaching
Children ] [
Mother-Son Entanglement ] [
Father-Daughter Bonds ]
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