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We offer coaching and training on family problems,
relationship happiness,
dissolving emotional incest and
resolving parenting stress.
Parent Alienation 1: Before Adolescence
Parent Alienation 2: After Adolescence
. Emotional Incest
When Children Hate Parents
Although it is a crime to 'incite hatred on the basis of
color, religion, or creed', inciting hatred is common in dysfunctional
families. A family member may be manipulated to hate another family member.
A parent who incites a child to hate the other parent is guilty of Parental
Alienation (PAS) - sometimes called emotional blackmail.
Children are abused so that a partner can gain an advantage.
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Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is
often accompanied by emotional incest, in which a
parent or guardian seems to be too close to a child.
Often, the resulting relationship bonds cannot be rationalized
and changed without experienced help. |
Many consequences are immediate, and some are delayed for years.
Later in life many abused people experience intense buried emotions and limiting
beliefs from this damage, although they rarely identify the root cause. Common
consequences of PAS are mentor damage,
chronic conflict and
identification with a victim.
Parents who deliberately hurt children may feel a
diminished relationship with their community, with their God and with humanity.
(This diminished sense of life seems to be equally
true for agnostics and atheists.) By Sense of Life, I refer to the sense of
purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.
We help motivated adults prevent partnership breakdown,
dissolve its consequences and prevent recurrence. PAS is not gender-based -
both fathers and mothers play and lose this terrible game.
My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father!
There are systemic causes and consequences when a child
rejects a parent. Both the family and the community (and courts) often respond
emotionally, usually to support the weaker parent, regardless of any
manipulation used to incite the child's rejection or to make the other partner
seem somehow bad.
This can be a factor when children do not communicate with
their parents. In extreme cases, child victims of parental alienation may hate
and commit abuse or even
violence against their parents, especially during adolescence (which may be
delayed and highly emotional).
Who Gets Hurt?
Children are intelligent and sensitive to family relationships.
Although many adults may consider children to be stupid and naive - children may
be unable to communicate their observations using adult language, and be may ignored
or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.
- A child may be manipulated by a
parent who wants to punish the other, or for custody
- A child may be simultaneously manipulated
by both parents to reject each other
- A child may be guided by family, community or
cult members to reject their parents
- Adopted children may be encouraged
to dislike or reject their birth parents
A child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and
the supported parent will show predictable, often severe emotional
consequences. The suffering associated with these consequences is often ignored.
Parent Alienation Syndrome may include
emotional incest.
If so, later in life, the emotionally entangled or enmeshed adult child
may suffer partnership problems and sexual dysfunction.
Coaching
Children .
Mother-Son Entanglement .
Father-Daughter Bonds
Parents who Alienate Children
Parental alienation predicts common behavior patterns
that we often see during marriage counseling, family therapy and couple
coaching, especially concerning separation and custody of
children. However, most families, communities and courts seem to
support biological mothers and deny support or custody to biological or
substitute fathers, regardless of facts.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
Either parent can initiate a sequence of events
leading to PAS.
- A custodial parent of pre-adolescent children rejects
his or her partner
- The children show loyalty to that parent by rejecting their
other parent
- The custodial parent asks the children to tell the truth
... and tells them what is true
- The children support their custodial parent and reject
the alienated parent - with true lies
- The rejection of the alienated parent may include false memories
implanted by the custodial parent
- Following emotional maturity,
these children may reject their custodial parent and turn to their rejected parent
Sequence of Parental Alienation
This is the story we hear many times ... and expect to hear
many more times ...
- The parents of children experience a partnership
conflict that they cannot ignore or resolve
- Instead of getting help, they become emotionally
entangled in their crisis
- One or both parents neglect the consequences off their
crisis on
their children
- One parent consciously rejects the partner's qualities
(behavior, beliefs and / or values)
- That parent also rejects the partner's qualities
in the child (e.g. don't act like your father!)
- The child denies or suppresses qualities similar to those
of the rejected parent
- The child identifies with the rejecting parent, who is
often perceived as a victim
- The child hides or represses any dangerous
qualities of the rejected parent
- The child dislikes people who have similar qualities
to the rejected parent
- The child rejects the rejected parent - privately or publicly
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The toxicity of PAS is not only in
the description of the syndrome but also
in the solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes, if PAS is diagnosed, the
hated parent is given custody of the child, against the child's own desire
and will.
This is becoming common in America. |
Immaturity & Child Abuse
Children often suffer from the sometimes vicious tactics
that immature parents may use to control and punish each other. Although immature
parents express depression, anger, and aggression by withdrawing love,
alienating a child's parent is child abuse. We coach motivated adults to
dissolve the consequences of:
- covert emotional incest
- physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- instilling children with false memories
- abusing children as dependent hostages
- betrayal or abandonment of one partner by the other
- court ordered suffering - child custody by the hated parent
Legal Solutions for PAS ...
Your Next Step
Click HERE to make an appointment!
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2004-2010
All rights reserved. |
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