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We offer private and telephone coaching and quality training
on family coaching, relationship happiness, dissolving emotional incest and
resolving parenting stress.
Parent Alienation 1: Before Adolescence
Parent Alienation 2: After Adolescence
. Emotional Incest
When Children Hate Parents
Although it is a crime to 'incite hatred on the basis of
color, religion, or creed', inciting hatred is common in dysfunctional
families. A family member may be manipulated to hate another family member.
A parent who incites a child to hate the other parent is guilty of Parental
Alienation (PAS) - sometimes called emotional blackmail.
Children are abused so that a partner can gain an advantage.
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Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is
often accompanied by emotional incest, in which a
parent or guardian seems to be too close to a child.
Often, the resulting relationship bonds cannot be rationalized
and changed without help. |
Many consequences are immediate, and some are delayed for years.
Later in life many abused people experience intense buried emotions and limiting
beliefs from this damage, although they rarely identify the root cause. Common
consequences of PAS are mentor damage,
chronic conflict and
identification with a victim.
Parents who deliberately hurt children may also feel a
diminished relationship with their community, with their God and with humanity.
(This diminished sense of life seems to be equally
true for agnostics and atheists.) By Sense of Life I refer to your sense of
purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.
Our systemic coaching
can help prevent partnership breakdown,
dissolve its consequences and prevent recurrence. PAS is not gender-based -
both fathers and mothers play and lose this terrible game.
My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father!
There are systemic causes and consequences when a child
rejects a parent. Both the family and the community (and courts) often respond
emotionally, usually to support the weaker parent, regardless of any
manipulation used to incite the child's rejection or to make the other partner
seem somehow bad.
In extreme cases, a child victim of PAS may commit abuse and
violence against a parent. A child, usually a boy, may attack or abuse the hated
parent - usually the father.
Who Gets Hurt?
Children are intelligent and sensitive to family relationships.
Although many adults may consider children to be stupid and naive - children may
be unable to communicate their observations using adult language, and be ignored
or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.
- A child may be manipulated by a
parent who wants to punish the other, or for custody
- A child may be simultaneously manipulated
by both parents to reject each other
- A child may be guided by family, community or
cult members to reject their parents
- Adopted children may be encouraged
to dislike or reject their birth parents
A child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and
the supported parent will show predictable, often severe emotional
consequences. The suffering associated with these consequences are often ignored.
Parent Alienation Syndrome may include
emotional incest.
If so, later in life, the emotionally entangled or enmeshed adult child
may suffer partnership problems and sexual dysfunction.
Coaching
Children .
Mother-Son Entanglement .
Father-Daughter Bonds
Parents who Alienate Children
Parental alienation predicts common behavior patterns
that we see during marriage counseling, family therapy and couple
coaching. Cases of PAS concern separation and custody of
children. However, most families, communities and courts seem to
support biological mothers and deny support or custody to biological or
substitute fathers, regardless of facts.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
Either parent can initiate a sequence of events
leading to PAS.
- A custodial parent of pre-adolescent children rejects
the partner
- The children are loyal to that parent by rejecting their
other parent
- The custodial parent asks the children to tell the truth
- The children support their custodial parent and reject
their other parent - with lies
- The rejection of the other parent may include false memories
implanted by the custodial parent
- Following emotional maturity,
alienated children may reject their custodial parent and turn to their rejected parent
Systemic Sequence of Parental Alienation Syndrome
- The parents of children experience a partnership crisis
that they cannot resolve
- Instead of getting help, they become emotionally entangled
in their crisis
- One or both parents neglect the consequences on their children
- One parent consciously rejects the partner's qualities
(behavior, beliefs and / or values)
- That parent also rejects the partner's qualities in the
child (e.g. don't act like your father!)
- The child denies or suppresses qualities similar to those
of the rejected parent
- The child identifies with the rejecting parent, who is
often perceived as a victim
- The child dislikes and represses the dangerous
qualities of the rejected parent
- The child dislikes people who have similar qualities
to the rejected parent
- The child rejects the rejected parent - privately or publicly
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The toxicity of PAS is not only in
the description of the syndrome but also
in the solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes, if PAS is diagnosed, the
hated parent is given custody of the child, against the child's own will.
This is becoming common in America. TM, Therapist |
Immaturity & Child Abuse
Children may suffer from the sometimes vicious tactics
that immature parents may use to punish each other. Although immature
parents express depression, anger, and aggression by withdrawing love,
alienating a child's parent is child abuse. Our coaching can help
dissolve the consequences of:
- emotional incest
- physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- instilling children with false memories
- abusing children as dependent hostages
- betrayal or abandonment of one partner by the other
- court ordered suffering - child custody by the hated parent
Legal Solutions for PAS ...
Systemic Coaching - Your Next Step
Do you want telephone coaching or systemic
coach training? Do you want to coach people to resolve relationship challenges?
Do you want to coach people to fulfill their dreams?
Do you want Telephone Coaching?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2004-2009 All rights reserved. |
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