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We offer coaching and training on family problems,
relationship happiness,
dissolving emotional incest and
resolving parenting alienation.
Parent Alienation 1: Children Before Adolescence
Parent Alienation 2: After Adolescence
. Emotional Incest
When Children Hate Parents
Although it is a crime to 'incite hatred on the basis of
color, religion, or creed', distrust and hatred are common in dysfunctional
families. Family members may be manipulated to hate other family members.
Parents who incite children to distrust or hate another parent are guilty of Parental
Alienation (PAS) - sometimes called emotional blackmail.
Adults abuse children for financial and egoistic advantages.
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Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is
often accompanied by covert emotional incest,
in which a parent or guardian seems to be too close to a child.
Often, the resulting limiting beliefs and bonds
cannot be rationalized and changed without experienced help. |
Many consequences of abuse are delayed for years.
Later in life, many abused children experience intense emotions and limiting
beliefs from this damage, although they rarely identify the root cause. Common
consequences of PAS are mentor damage,
chronic conflict and
identification with a victim.
Parents who deliberately hurt children may feel diminished relationship with their
families, with their God and with humanity.
(This diminished sense of life seems to be
equally true for agnostics and atheists.) By Sense of Life, I mean the sense of purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.
We help people prevent partnership breakdown
and
dissolve its consequences. PAS is not gender-based -
both fathers and mothers play and lose this terrible game. There are no winners.
My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father!
When a child rejects a parent, there are systemic causes and consequences. The family, community and courts often respond
emotionally, usually to support the mother, regardless of any
manipulation used to incite the child's rejection or to make the other partner
seem somehow bad.
This can be a factor when children do not communicate with
their parents. In extreme cases, child victims of parental alienation may hate,
abuse or even commit violence against their parents, especially during teenage
years (after PAS, adolescence may be delayed and highly emotional).
Who Gets Hurt?
Children are intelligent and sensitive to family relationships.
Many adults may consider young children to be stupid and naive. Children may
be unable to communicate their observations using adult language, and they be may ignored
or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.
- A child may be manipulated by a
parent who wants to punish the other, or for custody
- A child may be simultaneously manipulated
by both parents to reject each other
- A child may be guided by family, community or
cult members to reject their parents
- Adopted children may be
encouraged to dislike or reject their birth parents
A child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and
the supported parent will show predictable, often severe emotional
consequences. The suffering associated with these consequences is often ignored.
Parent Alienation Syndrome may include
emotional incest.
If so, later in life, the emotionally entangled or enmeshed adult
child may suffer partnership problems and sexual dysfunction.
Coaching
Children .
Mother-Son Entanglement .
Father-Daughter Bonds
Parents who Alienate Children
Parental alienation predicts common behavior patterns
that we often see during marriage counseling, family therapy and couple
coaching, especially concerning financial and custody issues. However, most families, communities and courts seem to
support biological mothers and deny support or custody to biological or
substitute fathers, regardless of facts.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
Either parent can initiate a sequence of events
leading to PAS.
- A custodial parent of pre-adolescent children rejects
his or her partner
- The children show loyalty to that parent by rejecting their
other parent
- The custodial parent asks the children to tell the truth
... and tells them what is true
- The children support their custodial parent and reject
the alienated parent - with true lies
- The custodial parent may implant false memories
to further alienate the rejected parent
- Following emotional maturity,
these children often seem to reject their custodial parent and return to their
alienated parent
Sequence of Parental Alienation
We have heard this sad story too many times ...
and we expect to hear it many more times ...
- The parents of children experience a partnership
conflict that they cannot resolve or ignore
- Instead of getting help, they become emotionally
entangled in their crisis
- One or both parents neglect the consequences of their
crisis on
their children
- One parent consciously rejects the partner's qualities
(behavior, beliefs and / or values)
- That parent also rejects the partner's qualities
in the child (e.g. don't act like your father!)
- The child denies or suppresses qualities similar to those
of the alienated parent
- The child identifies with the rejecting parent, who is
often perceived as a victim
- The child hides or represses any dangerous
qualities of the alienated parent
- The child dislikes people who have similar qualities
to the alienated parent
- The child rejects the alienated parent - privately or publicly
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The toxicity of PAS is not only in the
symptoms but also
in the solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes, if PAS is diagnosed, the
alienated parent is given custody of the child, against the child's own
desire and will. This is more common in countries where PAS is recognized. |
Immaturity & Child Abuse
Children often suffer from the sometimes vicious tactics
that immature parents may use to try to control and punish each other. Although immature
parents often express depression, anger, and aggression by withdrawing love,
alienating a child's parent is child abuse.
We coach motivated adults to
dissolve the consequences of:
- covert emotional incest
- physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- instilling children with false memories
- abusing children as dependent hostages
- betrayal or abandonment of one partner by the other
- court ordered suffering - child custody by the hated parent
Legal Solutions for PAS ...
Your Next Step
Do You Want Results?
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2004-2012
All rights reserved. |
