|
Do you hide your motivation?
Do you diminish and defeat your own goals?
Do you sabotage your own health, wealth and
happiness?
I enjoy working with motivated people ... I don't enjoy
trying to push people towards their own goals.
I prefer to help people sabotage their own self-sabotage. I suggest that
lasting motivation requires dealing with emotional baggage, exposing your
potential
and remembering your dreams.
Many years ago, I taught motivational and stress
workshops. I had good feedback and repeat invitations ... and yet I stopped. I
found that the states of heightened motivation or decreased stress after a workshop
lasted for a few days ... perhaps a week at best .... maybe. And when I compared
notes with other trainers - I found that a week of heightened motivation was
actually a success story!
Many people avoid many crazy, illegal or
dangerous behaviors by procrastination
and low motivation ...
sometimes unmotivated is better than impulsive!
The ability to discern reflects your emotional
maturity.
What was the point of wiring people up for few
days - only to see them come back down to earth with a bump and sometimes a
crash? Some people seemed worse off than before - they knew that they
could feel motivated ... and then they blamed themselves for not staying
motivated ... so their overall life energy dropped as a result of my work.
I stopped playing that game. I couldn't make myself repeat rah-rah
motivational mantras. The heck with "Fake it 'til you make it".
I quit.
Every time you communicate or act, you
expose your emotional maturity.
Inspired by a German therapist, Annegret
Hallanzy, I later explored the incredible states of being that she called
Vision States and I called inspiration or integrity
... or Soul. (See Soul of
Soulwork and Psychobiology of Soul.)
We explored how people de-motivate
themselves with taboo beliefs - (beliefs
that we cannot let ourselves recognize). In some ways, THAT was the start of
Soulwork Systemic Solutions. We explored the world of self-sabotage ...
and how to help people make lasting changes.
How do People Sabotage Themselves?
Most self-sabotage is not conscious. You wasted
your time,
ignored your happiness and delayed your success, and later you can't imagine
why. You were so close. Maybe you felt a sudden fatigue or need for distraction
or some unpleasant self-talk. Or perhaps you let other people steal
your dreams. However you did it, you successfully sabotaged yourself.
|
I built my business to success, but it
became boring. I was watching it fall apart when my wife arranged sessions
for me with you. During my coaching I realized that I was most creative when
I was poor. You helped me change that. Innsbruck,
Austria |
Have you sometimes allowed other people to damage your motivation?
Usually people who had some authority over you, such as parents, teachers,
therapists, priests, partners or employers. Some common ways that people
can unpleasantly influence or sabotage you are to ...
- ignore you
- confuse you
- criticize you
- be pessimistic
- patronize you
- be inconsistent
- forget your name
- avoid consulting you
- exclude your involvement
- claim credit for your ideas
These are common, everyday behaviors! The key is in how you
respond! Do you react like a robot ... or like a resourceful human adult? So
much is in the details ... when I consider the consequences of seemingly
unimportant details, I wonder if there are any unimportant details.
Life is details.
How do You Demotivate Yourself?
If you grew up in an unmotivated family, then lack of
motivation may have been normal. As you grew older, you probably
wanted to feel normal ... and you might sabotage your life to feel
normal. This is common and we offer help if you want to change.
If you prefer to sabotage yourself more, you can:
- criticize yourself
- obsess about past errors
- avoid solving your problems
- stay in miserable relationships
- avoid coaching and mentorship
- avoid planning a worthwhile future
- not practice activities you want to improve
- believe you are too stupid to enjoy a successful life
- hope that unpleasant emotions will go
away without help
- consume things that you know will make you fat, slow or sick
Why do You Sabotage Yourself?
Do you have thoughts like: "I don't stick to my goals; I
don't finish my work on time; I am miserable because I deserve it"?
Although self-sabotage may seem to manifest as thoughts and actions, the
underlying feelings and beliefs are usually based on old drama and relationship
disappointments.
|
I have built many businesses to a certain
level of success, and then destroyed them. I have repeated this
pattern all my adult life. During your coaching I realized that I could never let
myself be more successful than my mother. Honolulu, Hawaii |
Many people believe that self-sabotage is associated with
low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-love and low self-confidence, although
we find such comments to be rather abstract, trivial and unhelpful. We continually
find that self-sabotage reflects relationship disappointments ... particularly
during childhood.
We find that understanding why some people
have little motivation is only part of a solution. We help people change
their emotional blocks ... change their
relationships ... and change their lives.
|
I had years of therapy for
depression and low motivation. I learned exactly why I was depressed and
low energy ... and I was still miserable and unmotivated. My sessions with
you helped me change how I saw myself ... now I can appreciate my parents
... and live my own life as a basically happy, independent adult.
Auckland, New Zealand |
Examples of what really motivates people to
sabotage their lives, their families and their work:
- Secondary gains - how do you benefit by failing?
-
Identity Loss - are you present, conscious and awake?
-
Identifications - are you repeating an ancestor's
drama?
-
Transference - with whom do you want to feel connected?
-
DPI - Are you compensating for the death of a family
member?
-
Entanglements - is it OK for you to be happier
than your parents?
-
Complex conflicts - does part of you object
to your own happiness?
-
Abuse / Trauma - does some
part of you act like an emotional child?
-
Guilt - do you feel undeserving of success because
you have hurt others?
-
Relationship bonds - do you have irrational beliefs
about yourself or your world?
Leaving these issues unresolved may cause you to
repeat self-sabotage in more try-cycles. If things don't change
- they stay the same! You can resolve these issues or you can
prepare for more failure.
When do you Sabotage Yourself?
Do you procrastinate about making or implementing plans?
Do you daydream instead of working? Becoming conscious of when
you sabotage yourself does not end that cycle. Notice where,
with whom, how and how often you sabotage yourself.
Then we help you CHANGE destructive habits.
|
People who stop
growing up ... start growing old! |
Dissolving self-sabotage is often a huge step towards getting
what you want! Yet changing this may require you change your attitude and your
sense of life. Dissolving self-defeating habits will likely bring you closer to
your goals than any amount of complaining, blaming or justifying your lack of
success.
Motivation, Maturity and Inspiration
For many people, self-sabotage is a way of life! Many people
suffer from impulsive behavior, laziness, procrastination or psychosomatic symptoms.
Yet they did not choose these behaviors and they may be criticized for them.
Are you sabotaging your own life? Many people do ... yet few of them want to.
Are you sometimes too motivated?
We help people change obsessions and
compulsions into ordinary temptations.
Compulsions are strong motivations, often to do things that
are irrational or not consciously wanted. If you’re too motivated, and
you want to change, we have something wonderful for you! Dissolving your own
self-defeating habits can bring you closer to your goals than motivational
programs; complaining about your past, blaming yourself or other people, or
justifying your lack of success.
Practical Steps to Motivation and Success
After you resolve any emotional blocks and limiting beliefs,
these steps can empower you. (But if you haven't resolved those underlying
issues, these actions may only empower more try-cycles.)
- Give credit to others! Give credit
where credit is due.
- Deliver results! Your success reflects
your accountability.
- Promote yourself! Let people know
about your successes.
- Choose your friends! Be friends with people
who motivate you.
- Connect with people -
communicate personally whenever you can.
- Keep learning! Knowledge is energy. Seek new ideas and approaches.
- Know you are replaceable! Many people can do your work as well as you.
- Keep your skills up to date! - The world
is changing and people want your job.
- Create a life plan! Most successful
people memorize or write down their life goals.
- Keep perspective! Seek the
perceptions of respected colleagues or a trusted coach.
Probably you will agree with all of these ...
will you now sabotage yourself by forgetting them?
Most self-sabotage reflects
relationship entanglements that we can help you change.
Do you want to manage your emotions and dissolve self-sabotage?
Online Coaching & Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2009-2012 All rights reserved. |
