|
Do you want to develop mature relationship skills?
Sharing thoughts and feelings is relationship first
aid.
What is Maturity?
Maturity is not a gift. Maturity is a choice, and
every choice you make displays your maturity! For men, maturity often includes a desire to cooperate
and to solve problems quickly. For women, maturity often includes a
desire for responsibility and to communicate
feelings.
Maturity indicates the ability to
understand and use healthy relationship skills. It's a sad fact that,
for immature people, maturity might seem boring!
Many immature people prefer drama, distractions and emotional displays to dynamic
lives together.
You can assess maturity by how people behave,
or by how they answer questions like these .
Assess Maturity
You can quickly check personal
maturity ...
| Are you generally responsible? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Are you friendly?
Do you have many friends? |
YES -
MAYBE - NO |
| Are you reliable? Do you
finish what you start? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Are you truthful? Do you
generally avoid deception? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Are you usually proactive
to solving life challenges? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Have you suffered enough?
Do you want to change? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Can you enjoy trying new ways
and new behaviors? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Are you financially prepared
to invest in your own future? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Are you ready to examine and
change any self-sabotage? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
| Do you intend to improve
your health, wealth and happiness? |
YES
- MAYBE -
NO |
For each
YES - give
yourself 3 points
For each MAYBE - only 1 point
Count your points ...
|
0 - 15 |
You
have an immature approach to
life - and you can choose to change! |
|
Over 15 |
You want to change soon.
Why not
develop your potential quickly? |
|
Over 25 |
You could be a great
coach. Read about our
professional training |
[ If you want to check your Partnership
Skills, see
Patterns of Partnership ]
This table highlights differences between
partners with mature and immature partnership skills. Here I assume that
the infatuation portion of a relationship is over (usually the
shortest part of partnership), and the couple either develop mature
partnership or commence some form of relationship breakdown.
|
Mature Partnership |
Relationship Breakdown |
| Partners often
show appreciation and gratitude to each other |
One or both are
often dissociated, irritated, depressed, critical or show
contempt |
| Partners respond
to most verbal and nonverbal communications |
One or both
ignore, avoid or shorten most communications |
| Partners review
events in their history |
They rarely review
their relationship history |
| Partners greet
after time apart and ask about each other's activities and other
news |
They rarely
interact when together, without even silent intimacy |
| Partners enjoy
meeting each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment |
One or both often
ignore or criticize the other's goals and needs |
| Partners discuss
goals and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared
meanings. |
They rarely
discuss goals, values or dreams |
| Partners share
meals and housework together |
One person often
cooks or cleans alone |
| Partners often go
out together |
They generally
prefer to go out alone |
| Partners create
projects which require committed cooperation |
One or both often
avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects |
| They wish to stay
together to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness
|
One or both want
to separate but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints |
| They respect most
of each other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss
differences |
One or both show
contempt for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes |
| Partners want
happiness together |
One or both prefer
happiness alone |
Happiness Reflects Maturity
Your maturity reflects your role models, your life
experiences and how you react to problems. You can improve your maturity
... if you learn appropriate attitudes, knowledge and skills. You can
develop mature perspectives and participate in mature relationships.
Can you commit to an intimate partner and ignore other
potential partners? This exposes your trust and dependability. Your
maturity can support your partner to explore life together with you.
Maturity also supports a sense of integrity, and helps restore trust if
it has been damaged.
Do you want to understand and accept your partner?
This characteristic of healthy partnership enables couples to solve
problems during difficult times and to use unpleasant feelings as a
barometer for change. Mature people accept partners as they are - and
encourage them to change how they want.
Maturity reflects your ability to accept
responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Can you
monitor your thoughts and feelings, rather than making excuses? Mature
partners plan to attain partnership goals. Mature people do not blame
their partner, parents or boss for their own emotions.
Maturity affects a couple’s ability to make decisions
together, to work together toward relationship goals, and to resolve
conflicts quickly and effectively. It creates an intimate space for
people to be vulnerable and to share ideas and feelings ... mature
behavior helps partners coach each other rather than to try to control
each other. Maturity opens the way to explore each other’s
perspectives.
While conflicts are inevitable, maturity allows both
sides of conflicts to be understood and resolved. Mature partners own
their contributions to their relationship and can search for solutions
to the many problems inherent in teamwork and parenthood.
Immaturity in Marriage and Partnership
We often teach people communication and conflict
resolution skills. Some people need to work on these skills more than others.
Some people need more help than others, for example people who:
- avoid making decisions
- do not want healthy
relationships
- deliberately sabotage the happiness of others
|
Your couple coaching helped
us decide that our values and goals were compatible for
marriage, and that we both wanted the same type of marriage ...
your coaching transcended sexual attraction and personal gain
... you exposed our most basic needs and fundamental desires ...
and whether we wanted to fulfill them in a life together ...
London, England |
We help people untangle from parents, ex-partners and
other people, and to make a strong foundation for new lives together.
- We check who wants to be together
- We help people understand each others' goals and reactions
- We help couples dissolve objections, conflicts and transference
loops
- We help partners dissolve entanglements with parents, siblings
and past-partners etc
We coach people to explore, discuss and plan relationship
goals, and to solve real-life blocks and challenges
together. If someone
still wants to leave, we help people separate peacefully.
We coach people to build and enjoy healthy relationships.
Online Coaching &
Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2009-2012 All
rights reserved |
