Do you use drugs as a substitute for change? Self-medication with alcohol, nicotine,
anti-depressants or stimulants may seem easier than changing relationships.

Some people cannot accept that they have a problem, some hope for magical cures
and many don't believe that long-term solutions exist. Solve problems quickly!

Part 1: Coaching an Inner Child
Part 3: Types of Inner Children & Emotional First Aid

A healthy relationship with yourself is a foundation to sustainable living.

Around one in every four people will experience an emotional or relationship challenge this year, perhaps due to the economy, to work-related stress or to a relationship crisis. Many of these people will express age-regressed emotions, childish behavior, illogical ideas and impulsive acts. We help people resolve these and similar emotional blocks and relationship issues.

Although friends or family may encourage you to find help, only you can decide to change. Seek someone who focuses on your needs and goals, with a practical approach that you can enjoy, rather than some philosophy that you have to accept and believe.

Perhaps find someone who can support your values and your dreams, someone who's not just a person you talk at ... rather a person you can work with and learn from. Find someone who can help you manage your emotions and build better relationships with yourself, your family and your friends.

Do you want to change slowly and gently ... or do you want to finish the work and move on with your life? If money is an issue, consider what it will cost if you don't solve your problems. And if you want to relax about confidentiality, perhaps choose someone outside your local area.

What is an 'Inner Child'?

Inner Child is a term often used to describe age-regressed, childish motivations. Carl Jung talked about a 'Divine Child'. Emmet Fox referred to a 'Wonder Child'. Charles Whitfield described a 'Child Within'. Sigmund Freud called them 'complexes', in psychosynthesis they are called 'ego states' and some therapists call them 'true selves'.

If the split-off parts are disliked or if they accompany unpleasant emotions,
they may be called entities or even demons!

We find that these terms often describe parts of a person that were split-off during some crisis ... and that, without integration, they can remain split-off for the rest of a person's life. These parts may be experienced as inappropriate emotions and motivations ... or as obsessions and compulsions.

Inner Child work was popularized by John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming (1990). He wrote that children of dysfunctional families lose their I AM-ness: their assurance that their parents or guardians are healthy, competent and loving caregivers. Bradshaw suggested that victims of this loss can reclaim an inner child by reliving their developmental stages and finishing unfinished business.

Our personalities appear to emerge as a combination of inherited characteristics and the environments in which we grew up. Many of our human issues seem to originate in childhood experiences. Are you a child at heart, searching for some childish meaning in life? Does some inner child run your life?

Adults who let inner children control their lives will likely live in chaos!

Inner Child ... and Inner Babysitter

Many adults feel and act like children or even babies in times of stress, age regressing to some childhood crisis. Abused, stressed or traumatized children may be unable to deal with their emotions, and disconnect from them. The result is a split-off inner child - a split-off part of self that feels stuck in the unpleasant emotions. Until this is resolved, a childhood crisis has not ended.

The relief of dissociating problematic emotions can feel wonderful, and is a basis for many short-term therapies. However, people seem to unconsciously compensate for this loss of personal identity with undesirable adult habits. (These adult habits will make sense in the context of the original stress).

Occasionally we find people with an inner child who seemed to be split-off before birth! We assume that if a pregnant mother was in deep stress, neurotransmitters in the mother's blood can transmit intense emotions to the fetus through the umbilical cord. Also, a fetus may be aware of the mothers heart rate, breathing and overall body tension. (See Vanishing Twin).

Many people may (unconsciously) try to grow up an inner baby or inner child by attempting to give their own children whatever they felt was missing in their own childhoods. However, immature parents may neglect their parental responsibilities and react childishly to the challenges of raising children, often repeating their own parents' drama with their own children.

The following questions can help you explore your emotional reality. Although there are no right answers, how you answer these and similar questions can indicate how much your inner fragmentation affects your life ... and give you ideas about how to integrate and heal yourself.

Going APE: Assimilating Split-Off Parts

The APES model (William B Stiles, 1990) describes recognizable stages of change as people assimilate problematic emotions, experiences or inner conflicts. Our coaching can accelerate progress through these stages. Here is a summary ...

How can you talk to Inner Children?

Many people are highly critical of their inner children, e.g. "I want to get rid of these unpleasant emotions and stupid parts of me"! Examples of more constructive communication are:

1. We can enjoy life together
2. I want to accept you as you are
3. We can become one person again
4. I am sorry that I grew up without you

The consequences of trauma and relationship disappointments during childhood can include an inability to make decisions; shame, guilt, self-blame; and a sense of feeling special or rejected. Ignoring these consequences of can lead to toxic bonds, learning disabilities, depression and bipolar disorder. We coach people to find, nurture and integrate lost or childish parts.

Our inner child coaching can greatly benefit people who suffered childhood trauma. We help people understand and manage their emotions; this by itself may reduce nightmares, diminish panic attacks and help people control eating and learning problems.

Part 1: Coaching an Inner Child
Part 3: Types of Inner Children & Emotional First Aid