Many people have problems communicating their emotions and feelings. 'Inner child' coaching offers a simple model of self, which can help people manage emotions and avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Part 1 Coaching an Inner Child
Part 2 Emotional Maturity

Common Types of Inner Children

It seems that most inner children are created during relationship disappointments - during a crisis could have been be at any age from pre-birth to young adult. Some people have an inner fetus, and others have inner teenagers. Many people seem to have more than one inner child, and their inner children may fight each other. Some people have a dissociated selves who do not trust them.

We help people find solutions for problematic emotions, so let's look at some types of inner children and some corresponding adult behaviors. Then we can consider how to find an inner babysitter:

1. Playful Children
This inner child wants to play and may want to play "let's pretend", may be addicted to toys and perhaps to video games, and may be unpleasant to people who interfere with their role playing, toys and games. As adults they may have difficulty planning, and prefer to be spontaneous. (Is the real difference between men and boys ... the price of their toys?)

2. Demanding Children
This demanding inner child wants what everything NOW. If they don't get what they want, they may feel or express emotional outbursts or sulking. As adults they may wait for someone else to give them what they want, and if not, they may feel motivated and justified to steal it.

3. Neglected Children
Unloved inner children want to be nurtured and loved like any hurt child, but may not feel lovable. They weren't taught how to love and they may be selfish and impulsive. As adults they may often feel empty or depressed - life never seems to make sense - and they may have problems expressing adult love.

4. Abandoned Children
This lonely inner child felt discarded or dumped, perhaps during a divorce or perhaps because the parents were preoccupied. As adults they may fear that they will be abandoned again, so they seek endless attention and reassurance that they are safe. They may also be very angry.

5. Frightened Children
This frightened inner child may have been abused or overly criticized. As adults they may feel anxious and criticize themselves. They may continually seek encouragement and acceptance - especially from people who are somehow like their parents. They may have (or fear) panic or anxiety attacks.

6. Detached Children
This suspicious inner child may not trust anyone. Any intimacy seems a scary risk. As adults they may avoid commitment and responsibilities ... they may expect friends and partners to leave, and feel uneasy if someone stays. They may try to "buy and sell" love (they may measure love in gifts!)

7. Ignored Children
This rejected inner child may be forever hiding. As adults, they may feel empty - they don't know or believe in themselves and may feel undeserving of assistance or support. As adults they may be very logical and rational, but have difficulty defining and expressing their feelings.

8. Spiritual Children
This sensitive inner child rejected their real parents and searched for perfect parents or a heavenly home. As adults they may be intensely religious and either express intolerance for other philosophies or desperately check every potential spiritual path.

Suppressing or ignoring your inner children can have some serious, unpleasant consequences.

1. Depreciates life

2. Stress reactions

3. Feeling incomplete

4. Fears of inadequacy

5. Disliking own children

6. Not feeling good enough

7. Never learning how to play

8. Obsessions and compulsions

Emotional First Aid: Inner Babysitter

We repeatedly find that if a person had not dissociated or split-off the overwhelming emotions (to create an inner child), they feel that may have become insane, sick, criminal or dead! The original dissociation seems to be a way to survive some emotional crisis! ALWAYS be gentle when communicating with inner children!

First - FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! An experienced coach can help you do this without re-traumatizing yourself (see therapist damage). (Inexperienced coaches and counselors may be unable to resolve the trauma that creates inner children, and, with good intentions, increase the identity loss).

Learn how to comfort your inner child. If you didn't enjoy healthy bonding with your mother, re-parenting may help your healing. Some easy strategies can probably help. Perhaps wrap yourself in a soft blanket in a comfortable and imagine comforting the younger you who you once were ... (have a box of tissues ready - you may cry).

Don't try to force or manipulate inner children ... that may be why they split off! Learn to love and respect these parts of you! Be endlessly patient. Inner children are often lost in time - from their points of view the trauma may still happening! They may be shocked to discover that you have grown up!

Some treats for your inner child may feel strange at first - and later wonderful! Perhaps read your inner child a story as you sit in a comfortable chair. Maybe sing a lullaby to your inner child if you feel upset. Maybe buy and use some coloring books and crayons. Perhaps take real children to a play-park or zoo, or go a circus, or watch a beloved children's movie - as if your inner child was with you.

We can coach you, step by step, to:

1.  find your inner child
2.  heal your inner child
3.  enjoy your inner child
4.  become one person again

The consequences of ignoring emotions, together with the side-effects of psychoactive drugs, are unacceptable to an increasing number of health professionals and their patients.