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We offer you coaching and training for
emotional and relationship problems, including divorce, toxic family secrets and
obsessions. Everybody needs help sometimes. You are not alone.
Solutions for Divorcing Parents
During separation and divorce, you or your partner may ignore
your children, or you may be tempted to use them to hurt or manipulate each
other (Parental Alienation and
Child Abuse); or
you may treat your children as bargaining tokens as you divide assets. If you
do, you may burden children with learning disabilities or
with emotional problems such as chronic anger
or chronic conflict.
Some couples say that they stay together only
for the benefit of the children. In our experience, this is usually a lie
- to hide emotional insecurity or financial concerns. If the couple
announce this lie to their family, or if they convince their children that the children are
the cause of their continuing unhappiness, one or more children may respond
with chronic depression or
psychosomatic symptoms.
Divorce and Children
Some couples have favorite or special children.
Often a father favors the youngest daughter
(Daddy's
Princess), while a mother commonly prefers the eldest son
(Little Prince).
During a marital separation or divorce, the most favored child may react more
than the other children - perhaps convinced that he or she
somehow initiated or caused the separation.
Emotional Incest .
Parent Alienation
. Parent
Coaching . Coaching Children
Each partner can first clarify their own emotions about
partnership - especially with anger, sadness, fear and guilt. Soulwork coaching can
help each partner do this while mature and resourceful. If they do not, the children
will often take the parent's hidden or repressed emotions upon themselves.
(If the couple owns a business, employees may be enmeshed into a
conflict of allegiance, and staff may feel and act like confused children. Our
corporate coaching can sort out such staff infections.)
Our family coaching can prevent or alleviate many toxic
situations:
- If a parent acts resourceless, children may try to
grow up too quickly
- If a parent acts like a victim, children may
respond with chronic anger
- If a parent acts like a failure, children may respond with
chronic fear
- If a parent is dead or absent, children may respond with
chronic sadness
- If a parent acts guilty, children may try to
express the parent's guilt
- If a parent blames them, children may act out
to discover what is true
- If a parent forces children to take sides,
children may respond with deep conflict
Make every effort to help children communicate to both
parents - regardless of circumstances. Otherwise children can develop
emotional scars that they may carry for years. Hurt children will likely fight
against their parents' separation, attempt to sabotage their parents' new
partnerships, and may strive to leave their parents' homes.
Prevent
Learning Disabilities .
Adjustment Disorders
. Parental Alienation
After you recover your strength to support your children - who
supports you to build new relationships? We can help you build relationships based
on strength rather than on weakness or dependence.
Do you want single parent coaching
or child coaching?
Separation & Divorce Coaching
We usually require that both parents have individual coaching
to resolve individual emotional issues, and then sessions together, to resolve
partnership issues. We do not "take sides" - we coach both partners
understand, appreciate and accept each other's perspectives, motivations and
goals and to make informed decisions:
1. Respect the other parent
Following separation, parents may stop acting
as a couple. Their only mutual project may be to co-parent their
children. Talk to your children about your former partner - talk with
respect - and praise whatever can be praised, even if - or especially
if - the other parent is missing, alcoholic, dead, in prison, or hates you.
Each child is 50% of their other parent - and knows it. If you reject your
child's other parent - you reject half of your child!
2. Love your children
Your children may feel unloved and forgotten during
separation and divorce. Express love to them, regardless of whether they are
well behaved, polite, industrious, have tidy bedrooms or eat their broccoli.
(Most children spell LOVE as T-I-M-E)! Ask your children HOW they want to
spend their time and what increases their feelings of wellbeing and happiness.
3. Your children need both of you
Many children of divorce are forced to take sides
between Mom and Dad. Sometimes one parent may want a child to hate the other
(Parent Alienation
Syndrome or PAS). Instead, repeatedly reassure your children that they do
not have to choose one parent as being in any way better than the other.
4. Do not blame children
Immature parents often blame their children for their
separation and divorce. If your children come to believe that they caused your
marriage to break up, they may feel enormous guilt. They may try to keep you
and your partner together - perhaps by acting-out, learning disabilities or
disease. Explain to your children, repeatedly, in simple words,
that your separation is your decision and not their
fault - and that they cannot bring Mom and Dad back together. See
Adopted Children
5. Fight fair - Fight away from your children
Divorce is an intense time. Avoid fighting anywhere near
your children - or any children. Organize a time and place, away from the children,
that is convenient for both parents to discuss and resolve conflicts. If a
fight erupts, remember to STOP, TAKE TIME and RESCHEDULE your meeting.
6. Minimize change
Although your divorce will create many changes for your children,
continuity is important. Make your children's environment as familiar as possible,
including their favorite things, photographs, toys,
blankets, etc. Create a home in each place that the children stay.
7. Encourage meetings
Discuss how your children can have maximum benefit and happiness
when they are with the other parent. Avoid asking children to deliver
messages, to spy or to obtain information from your ex-partner.
8. Get mature support
Divorce is a difficult time for everybody. Parents
need mature ADULT emotional support from family, friends, relationship
coaches, clergy, etc.
Avoid asking your children to support or guide you - or the other parent.
Guide and support your children.
9. Talk about feelings
During stressful times your children may change their behavior.
Your children may misbehave, they may act much younger or they may
try to grow up quickly and act overly mature. Ask your children how they feel,
and what they think or imagine is going on. Help your children express THEIR
unpleasant feelings. Please don't complain to them about yours!
10. Remain mature
Avoid asking your children - even teenagers -
for advice about your partnership, about
money, custody or court issues. Reassure younger children that your decisions are
for their best interest. Ask older children for their thoughts and feelings
about decisions - and tell them that although final decisions are made by their
parents, their opinions are important. We help some partners
separate peacefully.
Would you like to
benefit from our experience? |
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Coaching .
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Training .
For Organizers
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Corporate Coaching
