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We help people dissolve emotional blocks ... and people who have no emotions.
I use the words dissociated, dissociation and detachment
to refer to missing feelings,
lost memories and a diminished sense of personal identity.
Please avoid
pondering issues of personal identity while driving or operating machinery.
I find loss of self to be common. So
many people tell me that they want to get rid of negative emotions
or bad parts of themselves. Too often they succeed, although they
rarely enjoy the consequences! They often feel incomplete, dry, bitter ... and
sometimes they say that they have no more feelings at all.
Total or complete loss of self appears
to follow severe relationship disappointments such as childhood abuse or
wartime trauma, or brain damage. And for some people, dissociation
is success! Some people do this to avoid unpleasant emotions,
such as anxiety, loneliness and boredom! We offer solutions to
motivated adults who are basically healthy and not suicidal.
Are you Coachable?
Dissociation and Depersonalization
You probably know many people who
have fragmented themselves, and you may have split off or
lost parts yourself. Split-off parts often show up in life as
irrational emotions, self-criticism or obsessions.
Dissociation describes an interruption of
normal conscious functions ... a loss of connection with memories,
feelings and sense of self. Dissociation can lead to automatic thoughts
and robot-like actions; and perhaps to addictions, obsessions and
cult-like behavior - as people try to fill empty lives.
Some people dissociate to deal with abuse, trauma
and stress, trying to distance themselves from experiences and emotions
that they could not assimilate. Others dissociate as a result of continual
discouragement of emotional expression by parents, teachers or guardians.
Emotionally disconnected people can do things that would
overwhelm associated people. Dissociated people often need huge stimulation,
and may prefer stressful lives. They may choose to be police, criminals,
prison guards, drug addicts or emergency medics. They are often workaholic,
and they may over-achieve until they burn out
or suffer nervous breakdown.
Some drugs can induce temporary dissociation. Many people
use tobacco to lessen, avoid or not-feel anger or fear. Other drugs reported
to increase dissociation include alcohol, marihuana, ketamine, nitrous oxide,
tiletamine, dextromethorphan, PCP, muscimol, diphenhydramine and
atropine.
Dissociating is easy. Many so-called therapies and
New Age techniques advocate dissociation. Have you been advised to clear
your emotions, to bury your feelings, to destroy your ego, to
abandon your intellect? The long-term consequences of dissociation
can be worse than unpleasant feelings!
Some people call emotional dissociation a spiritual goal,
especially people seeking magical ways to avoid life problems. Spiritually
motivated dissociation includes out of body
experiences, astral travel and some meditation techniques.
> ... i felt detached from reality and all of
the people whom i loved
> with that came absolute loss of self confidence and health,
> because the people whom i loved hurt me the most
> they misunderstood my situation and did everything to humiliate me
> and they said - "it's just your thinking" ...
and i feel like dead inside |
Emotional dissociation may be partial (part of me is missing)
or near-total (I feel empty ... completely hollow). The dissociated
parts of your mind may retain the emotions and age of a traumatic event. Do you
have an inner child? (Or perhaps you have an
inner
kindergarten?)
Many people dissociate in an attempt to minimize unsettling
emotions. We coach people to dissolve the underlying issues before they further
damage their relationships and sense of life. We suggest that helping professionals
care for their emotional health and avoid entanglements with dissociated people.
Solving Dissociation & Dissociative Disorders
Do you repress memories that are associated with unpleasant
emotions and relationships? Do you avoid feeling anger, sadness, anxiety or
guilt by dissociating? Dissociation offers short-term relief but can hinder
solving life problems, can impair your memory and
flexibility, and can limit your sense of life.
Can you easily define your goals? Few dissociated people
can state clear, specific goals; even with endless encouragement.
Are your goals typically clear or fuzzy? Do you state goals as complaints,
e.g. I don't want to feel so bad!
Do you sabotage your own goals?
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Since our coaching my life has changed.
I did the work, but you challenged and provoked me to get off my sofa and
start living again ... you helped me find my own way. Toronto, Canada |
Dissociation refers to a loss of self. Can you express your
emotions and personality? Or do you suffer from trauma,
abuse, cult-like organizations
or incompetent therapy? Have you replaced some
of your human qualities with unfeeling reactions, compulsive behavior and confusing
communication?
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I felt so empty. The only thing
that gave me comfort was sleep. Nothing gave me
real pleasure anymore. I just wanted
to cry. People thought I was going crazy ...
and then your wonderful coaching ... now I am back Miami, USA |
Extreme dissociation may be called
nervous breakdown or emotional breakdown.
Did you become frustrated, angry and anxious; and later dull; empty of anything
except perhaps boredom or loneliness? Did you lose a rich sense of life and now
only want to distract yourself? Some signs are:
- You have few goals and feel little sense of
life.
- Your mood or behavior swings between extremes.
- You feel few emotions - or chronic irrational emotions.
- You attempt to live someone else's life (real or
fantasy).
- You experience obsessions,
compulsions and limiting beliefs.
- You feel unpleasantly bonded
to someone, yet you cannot leave.
- You cannot describe your own feelings or
express your own values.
If you experienced trauma, abuse, therapist damage
or membership in military or other cult-like organizations, you may
lose access to some of your human qualities. This dissociation may also
follow stress or distress at home or at work.
(Depression is common if your relationships
don't make sense ... but we find that anti-depressants are
poor substitutes for relationship skills.)
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I describe Identity Loss as:
an inability to access emotions and qualities that are central to
a sense of self and sense of life. This loss often follows abuse or
relationship distress and manifests as chronic dissociation or the
chronic expression of inappropriate emotions. |
Many people show symptoms of identity loss. If the lost
qualities represent a significant part of a person's identity, some people
may feel emotionless, replacing a search for sense of life with
a search for distractions or fantasies.
Emotionally dissociated people appear to repress
anger, anxiety and disappointment, but may express these feelings as
emotional explosions. The triggering events for these explosions may
be trivial.
We have helped many people regain their sense of
life and become motivated towards self improvement and joy. And we train
people to recognize, resolve and prevent identity loss, with solutions for
chronic anger,
chronic sadness
and chronic anxiety.
Emotional Dissociation & New Age Techniques
Dissociation is easy - but repeated dissociation may result
in long-term identity loss; perhaps followed by addictive or obsessive behavior,
or membership in cult-like organizations, as dissociated people strive to
feel human and connected again.
We coach people to recognize, resolve and prevent
dissociation; and how to find lasting solutions. We help people find
themselves. We coach people to create their futures. We help people
resolve problematic emotions - and to heal the relationships in which
those emotions were created.
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As you accept and resolve unpleasant
feelings, your emotions become wonderful resources for your integrated
personality. Do you want to recover feelings and
emotions that you dissociated during stress or therapy damage?
We find that there's no such thing as a bad feeling or a
negative emotion!
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Systemic Diagnosis
Dissociated people may only respond to feelings of isolation
or emptiness. They may reject other points of view as illogical and discount any
feedback from the people closest to them. Hence, dissociated people feel little
connection with both their internal or external worlds.
Some people cannot make decisions. (They may be a
salesman's dream - they can be told what they want.) They may be overly
compliant when young - and become obsessive-compulsive adults. They may
become recluses, or try to find themselves in therapy groups or
cult-like organizations.
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Dissociation
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Do you feel empty and
emotionless? Has your life become robotic?
Do your relationships and family life seem pointless?
Do you have goals, or do you only follow directions? |
Some people disconnect from their core values (or self);
and some people disconnect from shared reality (family or community).
Perhaps you know people who ...
- express few emotions or feelings
- have no goals and do not participate in life
- are extremely reserved or generally preoccupied
- cannot define goals - they wait to be told
what to want
- have little internal motivation - they wait to be
told what to do
Solutions for Emotional Dissociation
If dissociated people confront the consequences of their
relationship disappointments (such as unworthiness and self hatred) they may
perceive the consequences of their actions on other people. Then they can feel
remorse and regret ... and then they can heal themselves.
We coach people to pull themselves together. We help
people assimilate unpleasant emotions that were denied or split off
in some trauma. We coach people to transform unpleasant feelings and emotions
into life resources.
Online Coaching
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2009-2012 All rights reserved.
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