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Are you a woman who feels entangled with a father
or step-father?
Are you in a relationship with a woman who is fixated on her father?
Daddy's Princess - Part 2
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Do you know a woman who:
- clings to her father
- acts in immature ways?
- only attracts immature men?
- forever tries to appear special?
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- is selfish and manipulative?
- sabotages her father's relationships?
- cannot maintain a healthy partnership?
- sabotages other people's relationships?
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These signs of emotional
incest warn of relationship chaos for these women and people involved with them. We
help motivated adults develop their emotional maturity.
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Suffering Crosses Generations!
If parents use their children as substitutes for friends or
partners, their children may suffer emotionally. Entangled children have
difficulty expressing their own identities and many develop
identity loss,
chronic anger,
learning disabilities,
passive aggression or
obsessions.
Later, entangled women often seek relationships with immature
or similarly entangled men and, if they have children, enmesh
their children with emotional
incest. This cross-generational pattern is not a parents' fault ...
such parents were likely raised in similar emotional chaos. This family pattern often
continues across generations until either no children are born or the adults are
motivated to change.
In some countries, however, this parent-child
enmeshment seems so normal that the pattern may not be visible or
conscious ... consider
the stereotypes of relationship behavior in Mediterranean and African
countries, and their descendents in America, Australia and Canada etc.
Adult Woman or Little Girl?
Women who are entangled with their fathers are often unable
to enjoy stable partnerships - except with substitutes for fathers, with immature men or with
their sons. Such women may attempt to rescue immature or addicted men -
and avoid or reject mature men. They may claim that healthy relationships are
boring.
The price of enmeshment is high. Some entangled women
become bisexual or lesbian. Some become depressed or insane. Some suicide.
See Teenage Girl in Trouble and
Mother-Son Entanglements.
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I have a wonderful relationship with my
father but my mother won't appreciate what a good man he is ... she is
depressed and it will be better if she leaves ... my father hates my
boyfriends and says that no man is good enough for me ... I love
him so much. Atlanta, GA |
Substitute & Fantasy Fathers
If a father is dead, absent or irresponsible, his daughter may
unconsciously adopt a male relative as a substitute father - perhaps a brother,
uncle or grandfather. Or a daughter may create a fantasy father -
a fantasy who can provide the missing love. An entanglement with a
fantasy father may help a fatherless daughter cling to health and sanity;
and later, she may seek a substitute for her fantasy.
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My wife has an adult daughter from a
previous marriage ... she is very immature ... she married an older man
who is like her father ... she is absolutely obsessed with her son and
threatens to divorce her husband if he interferes with her parenting.
Portland, Maine |
Parenting Skills
Parents, with good intentions, can love children in
ways that produce entangled, depressed or or codependent adults. This
enmeshment is more likely if:
- A parent is an addict, obsessed, depressed,
psychotic or insane
- A parent is irresponsible or childish and cannot
provide mature guidance
- A parent is absent or dead - and the other parent
is immature, lost or lonely
- A parent is displaced or controlled by another
family member (behaves like a victim)
Covert Emotional Incest
Emotional Incest
is common. We help motivated adults resolve the resulting
intra-family codependence and
attachment disorders. We help people
find emotional freedom and build lasting happy relationships,
by dissolving toxic relationship bonds and unpleasant entanglements.
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We do not try to change immature
people who do not want to grow up. We do not try to make people become
responsible ... we can point out the consequences to themselves and others.
And when those people have suffered enough ... we are here.
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Love at First Sight offers endless examples of
entanglements and transferences. You can read more about entanglements
and toxic parenting at
Learning Disabilities.
The common emotional chaos between mothers and sons is available at
Little Prince.
Excluded Mothers
When a daughter bonds to her father, Mother may may react with
irritation or anger. Mother may try to punish he husband and daughter for their
betrayal - or retreat into depression and victim-hood. Whether Mother fights
or rejects or ignores her husband and daughter, the situation will likely worsen.
We help motivated family members untangle these complex relationships
and find effective solutions.
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My wife always compares me to her
father. She doesn't seem to see me otherwise. He's OK I guess, but she tries
to make me a copy of him. It's depressing ... I drink more and more to
deal with being a nonentity ... if we stay together, I may become alcoholic
... Idaho, USA |
Disenfranchised Fathers
Many helping professionals strive to involve mothers in
family problems, and give less attention to fathers. Instead of treating
fathers as an equal parents whose involvement is needed by their families,
helping professionals may demean them, and may devalue the father’s
importance to his family.
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My ex-partner always criticized and
insulted me ... she worshipped her father, and she hated her mother for
criticizing her father. After six years, I had to get away from her
continual pressure that I be more like her father ... we divorced
Montreal, Canada |
Relationship Bonds
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Parent Coaching . Parental Alienation
Alienated Husbands
Little Princesses are often charming - cute, warm
and funny. They may attract many immature men (unless they sabotage their
attraction with obesity, skin disease or body odor). However, we find that their
male partners are unlikely to enjoy their princesses' love for long - before the
princesses have affairs, lose themselves in depression or other chronic
emotions, or 'fall in love' with their own sons.
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I fell in love with my husband and everything was
good until I got pregnant. Maybe he had an affair, but that wasn't a
problem - every day I talked to my son inside me. When my son was born, I
stopped caring what my husband did or did not do. Whether he stays or leaves
is not important any more ... only my son is important ... Vancouver, Canada |
Daddy's Princess
Family relationships in Western countries may be
considered abnormal or aberrant in other cultures. Our systemic coaching
provides a cross-cultural perspective; and can dissolve the consequences
of attachment disorders and toxic relationship bonds. The consequences
of emotional incest include:
- partnership chaos
- physical and mental disease
- sick and depressed children
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- work and money problems
- anxiety and stress disorders
- miscarriages and crib deaths
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Emotional Incest: Parent-Child Codependence
When parents depend on their children for their sense of life,
their children cannot be children. Carrying the
baggage of their parents' obsessions, these children may delay growing up, and
remain adult children for decades, or grow up prematurely with little sense of
childhood.
Parents who delay or sabotage their children's independence
are often avoiding crisis. If they have no reason to stay together, the
independence of the last child may expose a pointless partnership ... and
trigger divorce. Some children give up their dreams of independence and become
codependent.
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I married a man with a teenage daughter. She was hostile,
but the father believed that once she saw how much he loved me, she would
come around. But she did not want me in her life or his life. My husband
kept saying that I was like his daughter. I felt he was trying to make me
into an older version of her. When my opinions were different than his
daughter's, he found fault with me. I tried to make our marriage work, but
his love for me evaporated into a list of faults that echoed his daughter's
complaints. It took me years to admit that their relationship was unhealthy.
Now I can leave his emotional abuse. Chicago, USA |
Mother-Son Emotional Incest,
is equally common, predictable and toxic. When father-daughter and
mother-son entanglements occur in a family simultaneously – you can
predict generations of suffering.
Daddy's Princess
- Part 2
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From a Teenage Girl (USA)
... if a father is over-loving a daughter and the mother
feels rejected or left out thats her problem!!! its not her child or
her husbands fault that they love each other. she has to deal
with it. if she cant she can leave as far as a kids point of you ...
we dont care. one loving parent is more than enough. if a mother doesnt
know her place.. thats too bad. some kids love both and all are
happy. if kids choose a parent. the other parent has got to deal
with it. |
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