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Are you a woman who feels entangled with a father
or step-father?
Are you in a relationship with a woman who is fixated on her father?
Daddy's Princess - Part 2
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Do you know women who:
- act in immature ways?
- only attract immature men?
- forever try to appear special?
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- are selfish and manipulative?
- cannot maintain a partnership?
- sabotage other people's relationships?
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These are
signs of emotional incest - and relationship chaos for these
women and for
people involved with them. We can help them gain emotional maturity.
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Entangled Parents - Entangled Children
If parents love their children as substitutes for friends or
partners, their children may suffer
emotionally. Entangled children have difficulty expressing their own
identities and while fulfilling Father's fantasies, may develop
identity loss,
chronic anger,
learning disabilities or
obsessions. Later, as adults,
they enmesh their own children with emotional
incest.
Adult Woman or Little Girl?
Women who are entangled with their fathers are often unable
to maintain stable partnerships - except with substitutes for fathers - or with
their sons. Such women may avoid partnership while attempting to rescue
their immature fathers, by attempting to rescue immature or addicted men - and
by avoiding or rejecting mature men. Some become bisexual or lesbian.
Some become insane. Some suicide. See Teenage Girl in Trouble and
Mother-Son Entanglements.
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I have a wonderful relationship with my
father but my mother won't appreciate what a good man he is ... she is
depressed and it will be better if she leaves ... my father hates my
boyfriends and says that no man is good enough for me ... I love
him so much. Atlanta, GA |
Substitute & Fantasy Fathers
If a father is dead, absent or irresponsible, his daughter may
unconsciously adopt a male relative as a substitute father - perhaps a brother,
uncle or grandfather. Or a daughter may create a fantasy father -
a fantasy who can provide the missing love. An entanglement with a
fantasy father may help a fatherless daughter cling to health and sanity;
later, she will seek a substitute for her fantasy.
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My wife has an adult daughter from a
previous marriage. The daughter is manipulative and my wife caters to
her whims. She married a much older man who is like her father, but
continues to abuse my wife. How can I protect my wife from her daughter's
behavior? London, UK |
Parenting Skills
Parents can love children in ways that produce entangled,
depressed or or codependent adults. This is more likely if:
- A parent is an addict, obsessed, brain damaged,
psychotic or insane
- A parent is irresponsible or childish and cannot
provide mature guidance
- A parent is absent or dead - and the other parent
is immature, lost or lonely
- A parent is displaced or controlled by another
family member (behaves like a victim)
Emotional Incest
Emotional Incest
is common. Our systemic solutions can resolve emotional incest,
intra-family codependence and attachment disorders. We help motivated
people find emotional freedom and build lasting happy relationships,
by dissolving toxic relationship bonds and unpleasant entanglements.
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... i have a complicated relationship with
my father and sometimes i am depressed that he doesn't love me enough.
When i told him i don't want to see him again, his wife (not my mother) was
happy. i am jealous of her ... i want to be my father's best friend.
Russia |
Love at First Sight offers endless examples of
entanglements and transferences. You can read more about entanglements
and toxic parenting at
Learning Disabilities.
We describe the common emotional chaos between mothers and sons at
Little Prince.
Excluded Mothers
When Daughter bonds to Father, Mother may may react with
irritation or anger. Mother may try to punish Father and Daughter for their
betrayal - or retreat into depression and victim-hood. Whether Mother fights
or rejects or ignores Father and Daughter, the situation will likely worsen.
Systemic coaching can help family members untangle complex relationships
and provide effective solutions.
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My wife always compares me to her
father. She doesn't seem to see me otherwise. He's OK I guess, but he tries
to make me a copy of himself. It's depressing and I drink more and more to
deal with being a nonentity ... if we stay together, I may become alcoholic
... Idaho, USA |
Disenfranchised Fathers
Many helping professionals strive to involve mothers in
family problems, and give less attention to fathers. Instead of treating
fathers as an equal parents whose involvement is needed by their families,
helping professionals may demean them, and may devalue the father’s
importance to his family.
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My ex-partner always criticized and
insulted me ... she worshipped her father, and she hated her mother for
criticizing her father. After six years, I had to get away from her
continual pressure that I be more like her father ... Montreal,
Canada |
Relationship Bonds
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Parent Coaching . Parental Alienation
Alienated Husbands
Little Princesses are often charming - cute, warm
and funny. They often attract men strongly (unless they sabotage their
attraction with obesity, skin disease or body odor). However, their
male partners are unlikely to enjoy their princesses for long - before the
princesses have affairs, lose themselves in depression or other chronic
emotions, or 'fall in love' with their own sons.
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I fell in love with my husband and everything was
good until I got pregnant. I think he had an affair then, but that wasn't a
problem - everyday I talked to my son inside me. When my son was born, I
stopped caring what my husband did or did not do. Vancouver, Canada |
Daddy's Princess
Family relationships in Western countries may be
considered abnormal or aberrant in other cultures. Our systemic coaching
provides a cross-cultural perspective; and can dissolve
the consequences of attachment disorders and toxic relationship bonds. The consequences
of emotional incest include:
- partnership chaos
- physical and mental disease
- sick and depressed children
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- work and money problems
- anxiety and stress disorders
- miscarriages and crib deaths
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Emotional Incest: Parent-Child Codependence
When parents depend on their children for their sense of life,
their children cannot be children. Carrying the
baggage of their parents' obsessions, these children may delay growing up, and
remain adult children forever, or grow up prematurely with little sense of
childhood.
Parents who delay or sabotage their children's independence
are often avoiding crisis. If they have no reason to stay together, the
independence of the last child may represent a pointless partnership ... or
trigger divorce. Some children give up their dreams of independence and become
codependent.
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I married a man with a teenage daughter. She was hostile,
but the father believed that once she saw how much he loved me, she would
come around. But she did not want me in her life or his life. My husband
kept saying that I was like his daughter. I felt he was trying to make me
into an older version of her. When my opinions were different than his
daughter's, he found fault with me. I tried to make our marriage work, but
his love for me evaporated into a list of faults that echoed his daughter's
complaints. It took me years to admit that their relationship was unhealthy.
Now I can leave his emotional abuse. Chicago, USA |
Mother-Son Emotional Incest,
is equally common, predictable and toxic. When father-daughter and
mother-son entanglements occur in a family simultaneously – you can
predict generations of suffering.
Daddy's Princess
- Part 2
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From a Teenage Girl (USA)
... if a father is over-loving a daughter and the mother
feels rejected or left out thats her problem!!! its not her child or
her husbands fault that they love each other. she has to deal
with it. if she cant she can leave as far as a kids point of you ...
we dont care. one loving parent is more than enough. if a mother doesnt
know her place.. thats too bad. some kids love both and all are
happy. if kids choose a parent. the other parent has got to deal
with it. |
Do you want private coaching or professional training? Do you
want to help people dissolve success blocks and build quality relationships. Do
you want to help people fulfill their dreams.
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Women who fixate on their fathers may be unable to maintain a partnership with
another man - unless she becomes his "father"
Telephone Coaching is available
for bonded women - and their families
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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2009
All rights reserved. insest,dauter,dauhter,prinncess,dorter
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