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Are you a woman entangled with your father?
Are you entangled with a woman who is entangled with her father?
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Do you know a woman who:
- cannot maintain a partnership?
- is immature - she cannot grow up?
- forever tries to appear special?
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- sabotages other people's relationships?
- attracts emotionally immature men?
- prefers codependent relationships?
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These are signs of father-bonded women.
These are also signs of emotional chaos - for the women and for people involved
with them. Soulwork systemic coaching can help them.
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Entangled Parents - Entangled Children
If parents love their children as substitutes for friends or
partners, their children may suffer
emotional entanglements. Entangled children have difficulty expressing their own
identities and may express identity loss as
chronic anger,
learning disabilities or
obsessions. Later, as adults,
they may enmesh their own children with emotional
incest.
Adult Woman or Little Girl?
A woman who is entangled with her father is often unable
to maintain a stable partnership - except with a father-like person. Such a woman
may avoid partnership by attempting to rescue father, attempting to rescue
immature or addicted men - or by avoiding available mature men. Some become lesbian.
Some become insane. See Teenage Girl in Trouble and
Mother-Son Entanglements.
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I have a wonderful relationship with
my father but my mother won't appreciate what a good man he is ... she is
often depressed and it will be better if they divorce ... my father hates
my boyfriends and says that no man can ever be good enough for me ... I love
him so much. |
Substitute & Fantasy Fathers
If a father is dead, absent or irresponsible, his daughter may
unconsciously adopt a male relative as a substitute father - perhaps a brother, uncle or
grandfather. Or a daughter may create a fantasy father -
a fantasy who can provide the missing love. An entanglement with a
fantasy father may help a
fatherless daughter cling to health and sanity; later, she may seek a
substitute for her fantasy.
Parental Responsibilities
Situations that produce entangled or codependent people include:
- A parent loves a child in ways that depress the child's
adult life
- A parent is absent or dead - and the other parent is
immature, lost or lonely
- A parent is irresponsible or childish and cannot provide mature guidance
- A parent is an addict, obsessed, brain damaged, psychotic or insane
- A parent is displaced or controlled by another family member
(behaves like a victim)
Emotional Incest
Emotional Incest
is common. Soulwork systemic coaching can resolve emotional incest, intra-family codependence
and attachment disorders. We can help motivated people find emotional freedom and build lasting happy
relationships, by dissolving relationship bonds and entanglements.
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... i have a complicated relationship with
my father and sometimes i am depressed that he doesn't love me enough.
When i told him i don't want to see him again, his wife (not my mother) was
happy. i feel jealous of her ... i would like to be my father's best friend.
Russia |
Love at First Sight
offers endless examples of entanglements and transferences. You can read
more about entanglements and toxic parenting at
Learning Disabilities.
Emotional incest between mothers and sons is described at
Little Prince.
Excluded Mothers
When a daughter bonds to Father, Mother may may react with
irritation or anger. Mother may try to punish Father and Daughter for their
betrayal - or retreat into depression and victim-hood. Whether Mother fights or rejects of ignores
Father and Daughter, the situation will
likely worsen. Systemic coaching can help family members untangle complex relationships and provide effective
solutions.
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My wife always compares me to her
father. She doesn't seem to see me otherwise. He's OK I guess, but he tries
to make me a copy of himself. It's depressing and I drink more and more to
deal with being a nonentity ... if we stay together, I may become alcoholic
... Idaho, USA |
Disenfranchised Fathers
Many helping professionals strive to involve mothers in
family problems, and give less attention to fathers. Instead of treating
fathers as an equal parents whose involvement is needed by their families,
helping professionals may demean them, and may devalue the father’s
importance to his family.
[ Relationship Bonds
] [
Parent Coaching ] [ Parental Alienation ]
Alienated Husbands
Little Princesses are often charming - they can be cute, warm
and funny. They often attract men strongly (unless they sabotage their
attraction with skin diseases, body odors or weight problems). However, their
male partners are unlikely to enjoy their princesses for long before they have
affairs, emotional displays or fall in love with a male child.
Daddy's Princess
Family relationships in Western countries may be
considered abnormal or aberrant in other cultures. Our systemic coaching
provides a cross-cultural perspective; and can dissolve
the consequences of attachment disorders and toxic relationship bonds. The consequences
of emotional incest include:
- physical or mental disease
- partnership chaos
- sick and depressed children
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- miscarriages and crib deaths
- work and money problems
- anxiety and stress disorders
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Emotional Incest: Parent-Child Codependence
When parents depend on their children for their sense of life,
their children cease to be children and become something else. Carrying the
baggage of their parents' obsessions, the children may delay growing up, and
remain adult children forever, or grow up prematurely, with little sense of
childhood.
Parents who delay or sabotage their children's independence
are often avoiding crisis. If they have no reason to stay together, the
independence of the last child may represent a pointless partnership ... or
trigger divorce. Some children give up their dreams of independence and become
codependent.
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I married a man with a teenage daughter. She was hostile, but
the father believed that once she saw how much he loved me, she would
come around. But she did not want me in her life or his life. My husband
kept saying that I was like his daughter. I felt he was trying to make me
into an older version of her. When my opinions were different than his
daughter's, he found fault with me. I tried to make our marriage work, but
his love for me evaporated into a list of faults that echoed his daughter's
complaints. It took me years to admit that there was something unhealthy
about their relationship. Now I can leave his emotional abuse. USA |
Mother-Son Bonding,
is equally common, predictable and toxic. When father-daughter and
mother-son entanglements occur in a family simultaneously – you can
predict generations of suffering.
[ Daddy's Princess - Part 2
]
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From a Teenage Girl (USA)
... if a father is over-loving a daughter and the mother feels
rejected or left out thats her problem!!! its not her child or
her husbands fault that they love each other. she has to deal
with it. if she cant she can leave as far as a kids point of you ... we dont care. one loving parent is more than enough. if a mother doesnt
know her place.. thats too bad. some kids love both and all are
happy. if kids choose a parent. the other parent has got to deal
with it. |
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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001 2008
All rights reserved.
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