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We offer private sessions, interactive seminars and
workshops on systemic family therapy, codependence, family
secrets and relationship entanglements.
Are you Codependent?
Codependence is about self-destruction.
Codependence is about thoughts, feelings and behavior that cause suffering.
Do you repeat behaviors that bring unpleasant, painful, or unwanted
consequences? Do you do things
that you don't enjoy for other
people? If you do, codependence might be about you.
Codependent behavior usually indicates cross-generational
relationship entanglements. Two common forms are
mother-son codependence and
father-daughter codependence. The results
are people
who are only attracted to immature partners - people who will
sabotage their own partnerships by fixating on an even less mature partners
- their own children. (Beware of codependent therapists).
Are you
in a destructive relationship? Do you sabotage healthy relationships? Do you
try to hide yourself? Codependent behavior is linked to serious diseases such as
schizophrenia,
bipolar disorder, depression and
stress. Codependence is also related to
anxiety and hypochondria.
Codependence is so common in some Western countries that
it may seem normal. Evaluate television and love music.
Codependence is even expected in some countries. If you are healthy, untangled
and independent, you are likely to be called selfish,
arrogant and uncaring ... by entangled people.
Codependent Relationships
People
in healthy relationships deal with conflicts openly and easily. Immature people
often hide conflicts until they emotionally explode ... often over tiny
details.
Soulwork systemic coaching helps
individuals, couples and families build relationships with security and intimacy.
Some people seem to be disconnected from all others. They
have few or no friends, and often unpleasant relationships with family
or work colleagues. For these people, codependence may be a step forward -
a step towards health - a step away from isolation and perhaps a step from from
suicide.
But in a codependent relationship, you cannot be yourself.
You must forget who you are and what you want. You may have deep
beliefs about not being good enough or being unworthy,
and that you can only express love by
denial and sacrifice.
If a child perceives you as a victim, the
child may identify with you and suffer
victim identification, often blaming and even hating the person whom the child perceives as your victimizer.
(Systemic coaching can prevent a victim identified child becoming a
chronically angry and suspicious adult.)
Codependence may also result from
vanishing twin syndrome, in which a twin
dies during the first few weeks of pregnancy. This death may have a huge
impact on the life of the surviving twin, who, although continually seeking
a Soul Mate, may suffer a chain of codependent relationships.
Many cults, sects and extremist organizations are based on
codependence and attract codependent people. Soulwork
exit coaching can help people leave a cult-like
organization and live a life based on independence and
emotional freedom. Soulwork
can coach you to set your spirit free.
[ Entanglements
] [ Exit Coaching ] [
When Coaching Fails ] [
Difficult Clients ]
Professional Codependence
Codependent people cannot be present in
relationships. They forget who they are, and may focus only
on what other people want. Codependence is a poor start to any relationship
and very poor qualities for a
coach, counselor or therapist. Yet codependent people
seem to recognize each other easily.
A codependent coach, counsellor, trainer or therapist is
unlikely to support your healthy independence, and may sabotage it! Codependent counselors or therapists may delay your recovery to continue
their
need to help you ... and you are expected to finance this.
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Following Soulwork, I said
goodbye to my therapist after four years of sessions. ... she helped me do many little things
and I came to depend on her. She was so nice to me that I forgot
that I was paying her over $100 per hour to be my Mom.
BC, Canada |
Are you a helping professional such as a coaches, therapist, psychologist, etc)?
Do you behave in codependent ways towards your patients and clients? Do you
delay your clients' recovery by your dependence on their sickness? Or can you do
your work without sympathy or entanglement?
Untangle codependent relationships! Choose a coach or therapist who is grounded
in his or her own healthy reality; someone who is without sympathy yet with
developed empathy. "Healthy relationships are the best healing agents".
Self Evaluation
Even though you may long for yet
peace and happiness - do you always seem to mess it up? Instead, evaluate
yourself and provide ways to end your toxic behavior:
- Do you have difficulty saying what you want?
- Do you avoid stating your goals, needs or wishes?
- Do you judge
your own goals as unimportant?
- Do you value other
people's wishes over your own?
- Do you want people to look after you?
A Soulwork coach can help you discover what you want, and how
you want to achieve it. Defining and achieving goals reflects your sense of
life. Systemic coaching helps you live with integrity - the
core of who you are.
Denial & Procrastination
Are you a Cleopatra? Cleopatra was a queen of de Nile.
- Do you avoid identifying
or labeling your feelings?
- Do you minimize, distort or deny how you feel?
- Do you "hide" your feelings about
your childhood?
- Do you avoid your feelings or avoid expressing your feelings?
A Soulwork coach can probably help you become the person you
are - and learn to appreciate yourself. If you consider the consequences of not changing ...
you may better enjoy the challenge of changing.
Compliance
Some trainers of hypnosis and NLP define hypnosis as "uncritical
acceptance of suggestion". If so, what percentage of your life are you
in trance? Your eyes are open and you can walk and shop -
but have you guarded the the doors of your perception?
- Are you dedicated to
other people's happiness?
- Are you loyal to people who hurt or harm you?
- Can you state your own opinions?
- Do you participate in sex when you don't want to?
Psychosomatic disease is common in people who do
not communicate their personal truth. Instead, their bodies communicate for them -
sometimes in unpleasant ways. What does your body communicate (through symptoms)
that you try to avoid saying? What does you body say for you?
Protection, Control & Codependence
It seems to be right and natural that adults protect their
children, and control their
children's behavior until the children are independent adults. It seems
appropriate that employers control their employees behavior at work. But for codependents,
there may be no borders, no context and no exit.
- Do you act as if most people
need your care?
- Do you tell people what they should
think and how they should feel?
- Do you offer endless good advice?
- Do you offer or withhold sex to get what you
want?
Responsibility
Responsibility can irritate children and
immature adults - and responsibility can be a prison for codependents. If you take
responsibility for people who are neither your children nor your
employees, or if you want other people to take responsibility for you, you are likely to suffer in predictable ways.
You are not alone. We can coach you to resolve codependence and create a life that
makes sense.
We welcome friendly people who are motivated and
emotionally stable. Enhance your career with life relationship coaching skills.
Coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues. Coach people
to build success and quality relationships. Coach people to fulfill their dreams.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2008
All rights reserved.
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Training Partners :
Relationship Coaching
: Coach Training
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FAQ
or telephone: +4 860 275 8295 or +38 591 881 2682