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Are you entangled in bonded relationships ?
Do you suffer the consequences of abuse?
Do you want emotional freedom?
Continued from
Assess Relationship
Bonds Part 1
Identity Loss & Relationship Bonds
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The stronger a relationship bond, whether liked or disliked,
the less freedom of thought and action. A maximum bond might be complete
identification with another person (consider the bonding required to show
religious stigmata).
A person without any relationship bonds may feel
disconnected from life and from humanity. Strangely, such
disconnection is a goal of
some so-called spiritual paths and much military training.
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The most severe relationship bonds are existential -
thoughts and behavior are bonded in all parts of life. If such a bond
originated in early childhood, the person may feel that this loss of
identity, creativity and flexibility is normal, and be unable
to even imagine feeling or living differently.
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Identity Loss refers to an
inability to access own emotions, beliefs and qualities that are central
to sensing one's own life. This may manifest as chronic dissociation
(lost identity) or the
chronic expression of inappropriate emotions (identification). |
Relationship diagnosis assesses the health of a relationship,
either existentially, or in some context. While all bonds indicate some
identity loss, we refer to the three examples in the table below as
identity issues - a massive loss of identity.
We can train you to coach people to dissolve
identification, identity conflict and
lost identity issues.
Systemic Diagnosis
When I am not me |
| Identification |
I feel and behave as if I was someone else |
| Identity conflict |
I am / I have more than one conflicting
personality |
| Lost identity |
I have no sense - or minimal sense
- of myself |
I developed a simple hierarchy of relationship
health - from disconnected to healthy. This hierarchy is useful when evaluating
relationships and entanglements with one person
or with a group of people. (This hierarchy overlaps with the values hierarchy
developed by Dr Clare Graves.)
Systemic Diagnosis
A simple hierarchy for assessing relationship health |
| 1. Disconnected |
I have no quality or
healthy relationships. My only contact with people is to survive.
(I may be suicidal) |
| 2. Codependent (1) |
We depend on
each other for survival |
| 3. Codependent (2) |
We live to control each other |
| 4. Symbiotic (1) |
We stay / work together
out of a sense of duty |
| 5. Symbiotic (2) |
We stay / work together to
exchange needed resources |
| 6. Community |
We stay / work together to
fulfill relationships that are important to both (all) of us |
| 7. Systemic |
We stay / work together
to develop effective community |
| 8. Global |
We stay / work together to develop
humanity / for the benefit of the planet |
In some relationships, people act as if they were
someone else (substitutes), or perceive other people as if they were someone else
(transferences) or project their desires onto other people (projection).
| Systemic Diagnosis |
| Substitution |
When with this person,
I pretend to be someone else |
| Projection |
I project my past or my
desires onto this person |
| Transference |
I perceive this person as someone else |
Transference Bonds
Transferences can be described as mistaken identity.
Transference behavior can range from perceiving a stranger as a friend or enemy, to
committing to a partnership with someone who reminds you of someone or
something in your past.
For example, parents who derive a sense of safety by behaving
like a child will likely create unpleasant consequences for themselves and their
children. Children of confused parents may become afraid of - or afraid for -
their parents, and may strive to parent or partner their parents. See
emotional incest.
Dissolve Relationship Bonds: Part 3
Summary
| Martyn, have you have you
tested your methodology on people with malevolent implants and/or MK Ultra type
mind control and/or people influenced by witchcraft? Sometimes we see thru a
glass darkly ... because there are good reasons to do so beyond surviving in a
dysfunctional family. Oregon
Answer: We can
help motivated adults dissolve unwanted bonds, including the undue influence of
parents, therapists, doctors and teachers, who can create similar bonds and
even damage people's ability to bond to people! |
Loyalty and commitment to products, people
or political agendas; or to obsessions,
compulsions and limiting beliefs, are often relationship bonds that can
be changed.
We help people understand
and change unwanted beliefs, motivations and obsessions.
Online Coaching for Fast Results
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2012
All rights reserved
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