|
Although anger is a normal reaction to injustice, anger can damage both body
systems and relationships. Anger may be expressed inwardly or outwardly, overtly
or covertly. Anger is usually driven by threats - to self, to others, to a possession, to a valued
belief.
 |
Anger is a normal reaction to injustice. We can
experience anger on a spectrum from irritation
to fury. Anger can motivate enormous effort - yet sometimes anger motivates destruction,
leading to health problems, relationship problems and a diminished sense of life.
Your anger can put you in hospital or in prison - or it can motivate you to change
the world!
|
What is Anger?
Anger can be described as an emotional pressure that can vary from
irritation to rage. This pressure may motivate aggression (a compulsion to
fight a perceived threat). Anger is
accompanied by physiological and biological changes - when you feel angry,
your pulse and blood pressure probably increase, together with your blood levels of
adrenalin and noradrenalin hormones.
Anger can be triggered by:
- a postponed or canceled pleasure
- projected fantasies (worries) about personal problems
- a person or event that reminds you of some situation
(transference)
- metaphoric threats in fantasies (may be inspired by
books, TV, movies)
- memories of incomplete or unresolved traumatic or
threatening events (PTSD)
- immediate external threats to self, or to someone or something
perceived as important
Anger is often associated with injustice to perceived victims.
Chronic Anger may result if a person
identifies with a victim, and expresses the unexpressed anger of that
victim. We call this victim identification. But anger suppressed by fear may
result in symptoms called passive aggression.
Expressing Anger
Anger is a natural response to threats. Two instinctive
human reactions are fight or flight - a fight requires aggression
(and running away requires fear). Anger inspires powerful feelings and
behaviors that motivate us to attack a perceived threat, or to defend
ourselves if attacked. Anger has been vital for human survival in a similar
way that fear has probably been vital to rabbits.
Some psychologists say that anger should not be repressed but
expressed - yet people who express anger - who put others down, criticize and
manipulate others aren't likely to have quality relationships. Unable to be a
team member, they may join or form a gang. People who react physically
to whatever irritates or annoys them may be hurt or imprisoned. Some people
express anger by manipulating others. Laws and social norms limit how we can
legally express our anger.
Can you predict the consequences to
people who express anger as manipulation?
Would you stay in partnership or
even in friendship with someone who manipulates you;
or
who brags about how they manipulate their
partner, friends, family or customers?
Many people 'swallow' their anger, often feeling that they
'store' anger in their bodies. Others express their anger by being aggressive,
but that is a way to get better at it. We coach people to acknowledge the
injustice that gives rise to anger, and then to transform their anger:
- Express your angry feelings
in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is often a healthy way to express anger.
We can coach you to clarify your needs, and to meet them without hurting others.
Assertive doesn't mean pushy or demanding; rather you respect yourself and others.
- Suppress and redirect anger. We can coach you to
hold your anger and focus on your
goals. This can merge realities and convert anger into motivation
towards what you want. (But if your anger isn't allowed outward expression,
it can turn inward - on yourself - . perhaps causing
hypertension, depression, or
passive-aggressive behavior.
- Calm your responses, we can
coach you to relax your muscles, breathe deeply, lower your heart rate, calm
yourself and evaluate your feelings instead of responding impulsively.
- Maturing anger is part of systemic coaching. We
assume that some part of you is both angry and age-regressed (feels and acts like a
hurt child) - a part of you that was split-off during some drama or trauma,
perhaps as a child. We can coach you to mature this young part of yourself.
Coaching & Anger Management
Anger management can reduce emotional pressure and the
physiological arousal of anger. Probably, you can't get rid of or avoid
all the things or people that irritate or enrage you, nor can you change
them all; but you can change your reactions.
Psychologists can assess the intensity of your anger, how prone
to anger you are and how well you handle it. But if you have a problem with anger,
you probably know it. If you act in ways that seem out of control and frightening,
you may find that systemic coaching is a better way to manage anger.
Why do Some People Express Anger?
People who are easily angered often have a low tolerance
for frustration. They may feel that they or their thoughts or their actions are
special and that they should not be frustrated, inconvenienced, or
annoyed. They don't accept difficulties , and may be infuriated if a situation
seems unjust: for example, if they are fined for a driving violation when they
are late for an appointment.
What makes some people act this way? Some children seem to be born
irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and these signs are present from an
early age. In systemic coaching, we can trace "chains of anger" through
generations. Chronic anger seems related to victimization in families.
|
I was never angry ... I took assertiveness
training ... my life seemed to lose meaning ... my relationships became power
games ... my husband divorced me ... he has custody of our children ... all
I did was assert myself. Vermont |
Many people are not taught how to express anger. Many of
us are taught that it's OK to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions,
but not anger. Some people haven't learned how to handle irritation or
channel it constructively.
We are Here for You
Many
people who are easily angered have a background of dysfunctional families, and
little coaching about communicating emotions. We can coach you to explore what
triggers your anger, and to change your triggers. If anger damages your health,
your relationships and important parts of your life, we can coach you to
change how your feel, how you respond and how you act.
This isn't to help you 'get in touch with your feelings
and express them'. That might be your problem! Rather we help you change
the basis of your anger, which usually reflects relationships. For example - did you grew up
protecting a person from another family member?
Control anger before anger controls you.
If you want to control anger, we can help you.
Online Coaching & Training
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2008-2012 All rights reserved. |
