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Conflicts can be healthy or unhealthy.
Conflicts often indicate a need for systemic change in human relationships. Conflicts
need to be recognized, assessed and processed, but not ignored. Ignored or
mishandled conflicts can increase costs, reduce productivity and destroy
careers.
Almost every relationship requires realistic
conflict management and sensitive conflict resolution. Adults who want harmony,
productivity and creativity either learn to resolve conflicts ... or suffer.
Efficient conflict resolution can build consensus, prevent confusion and avoid
chaos.
Although conflict-management skills are
critically important for leaders, few managers are trained in
conflict-management. Further, many organizations cut costs by cutting middle
managers ... without cutting the workload. The remaining managers have less time
to deal with conflicts.
Many employees are survivors! They
watch carefully for opportunities to outwit, outplay and outlast attempts to lay
them off. But employees who
keep their jobs during layoffs are often given more responsibilities and heavier
workloads ... leading to more stress and more conflict.
(Some conflicts are important and need to be
grown and nurtured. For example, competition between employees for providing high quality
services and products can be a great asset.)
Causes and Effects of Conflicts
Psychometrics Canada surveyed 357 Canadian Human Resources specialists to identify the most common workplace conflicts,
their causes and their effects. According to the specialists, the most
common causes of conflict are ego and personality conflicts (86%), poor
leadership (73%), dishonesty (67%), stress (64%) and value conflicts (59%).
- 43% saw a worker get fired
because of such conflicts.
- 77% saw conflict lead to worker
sickness and absences.
- 81% saw workers leave an
organization because of workplace conflict.
- 75% saw workplace conflicts that
resulted in personal insults and attacks.
Workplace conflicts were most commonly seen in
government (43%) and education (43%) and non-profit (41%). Workplace conflict
was less common in business (37%) and consulting (28%).
Conflict Resolution
We offer group conflict-assessment/intervention
and coaching services for
- manager/employee conflicts
- employee/employee disputes
- conflict among members of groups and teams
Conflict management is an essential part of almost
any relationship from kindergarten to old age. No two people are likely
to have exactly the same goals, beliefs or values, or the same ways
to reach their goals or fulfill your values. There will be conflicts!
There is nothing wrong with conflicts ... except a lack of maturity. Conflict management can be productive, developing understanding
and respect, or it can be destructive, causing resentment and hostility. How you
manage conflicts will determine whether your relationships are healthy or unhealthy.
Inner Conflict and Outer Conflict
Part of you wants this and part of you doesn't. Part
of you wants to do it this way ... and part of you wants to do it that
way. If you do not resolve your inner conflicts, you may build
a life based on denial or withdrawal, until unresolved conflicts
devastate, depress or destroy your life.
Inner conflict can damage lives. We find that most
self-criticism, self-sabotage and psychosomatic diseases result from inner
conflict. And, if you dislike some part of yourself - you will probably dislike
anyone who reminds you of your disliked or disowned part.
Avoiding Conflicts
Do you avoid conflicts (Let's not fight now),
do you overuse humor (You're so cute when you're angry), do
you minimize (That is not important) or do you inhibit conflicts?
(You know what will happen if we talk about that)
Perhaps you should postpone discussing a conflict if one of you
are angry, tired, or ill. It may be reasonable to defer resolving a conflict
until you are both ready for a meaningful discussion, although indefinitely
postponing conflict resolution may only delay resolution and increase suffering.
For example, if you avoid resolving partnership conflicts - you can
read
Partnership Breakdown.
Conflicts, Diversion & Denial
Do you divert conflicts to other directions? Conflicts may
be diverted by distracting attention, or perhaps by attacking the person who
raised the issue. If a person says, "I don't like it when you xxx,"
; the other may change the topic with: "Are you crazy, why didn't
you yyy?"
Do you hide conflicts? Or do you try to delay
resolution with an attitude that, "Everything is OK"? Do you
deny conflict by avoiding confrontation or establishing covert rules? (In a
classic denial, all members of a family, team or relationship system may
say: "We are fine - we have no problems.")
Although some conflicts may not seem to be worthy of argument,
often
some small issue is simply a cover for a larger one. If one partner is concerned
that the other may be having an affair, but avoids dealing with it, that person may
emotionally explode over some detail ... a towel left on the floor.
A group may agree to one person's preference or members
may take turns compromising. If the same person always agrees - or always
compromises - this may indicate denial or dependence.
Sooner or later, unresolved denial or dependence often
seems to emerge as depression or emotional explosions.
Resolving Conflicts
Do you clearly express different opinions, but not find solutions?
Does everyone know what the other system members want, but do not negotiate agreements?
If you don't know how to use conflicts to negotiate win-win solutions, systemic
coaching offers you solutions.
Do you all allow conflicts to emerge so that you discuss
solutions? Can you all express your opinions about all conflicts?
Do you confront the issues? Does everybody how to negotiate solutions
that are acceptable to all people involved?
Do you want to resolve complex
relationship conflicts?
Conflict Resolution
Do you Need Conflict Resolution Skills?
Efficient leaders and parents can manage conflicts with
ease and authority. Good conflict management skills can keep couples,
families and teams working together on a basis of trust and cooperation.
Conflict resolution skills promote inner peace, efficient leadership and
confident parenthood.
Good conflict solving skills can help relationship problems,
from occasional hostility to damaging attacks, or the erosion of trust caused by
passive aggressive and other unproductive behaviors. Although leaders need
conflict resolution skills to solve performance and relationship challenges, conflict resolution is rarely part of standard
education.
Most people know how to complain, deny, make excuses, compromise, avoid,
justify and compete. Some of these amateur conflict resolution models might be
slightly better than doing or saying nothing. Which methods do you use?
Identifying your personal conflict style is a useful step.
Then we help you select more appropriate interventions
suitable for the conflicts that you must deal with. Our conflict coaching can provide immediate
information and support about how to transform stressful conflicts into
efficient interventions.
Common Mistakes in Conflict Resolution
If you use immature interventions - expect immature results.
Expect to get lost again and again
until you give up ... or learn better methods. Some common mistakes are:
- Getting lost in unpleasant self-talk.
- Being inflexible ... My way or the highway!
- Believing someone must lose for you to win.
- Opening another conflict before resolving the first one.
- Not having enough information ... Why didn't
you tell me?
- Clinging to one perspective ... Your point of
view is wrong!
- Focusing only on what you may lose ... You
can't leave me!
What we Offer
- We help people develop emotional maturity, skills and
experience.
- We provide rapid and focused help:
personally, by telephone or by Skype.
- We help people recognize, manage and prevent
interpersonal and organizational conflicts.
- We help people manage projects, without
getting lost in fights, hostility and lack of compliance.
Online Coaching for Conflict Management
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2012
All rights reserved.
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