We were coaching people to get what they want.

We found that VERY few people know what they want.

Stuff seemed to get in the way.

Stuff like confusion or limiting beliefs or unpleasant memories

And for those who did know what they want, stuff also got in the way.

Such as low motivation or chronic aggression or self-sabotage

At first we dismissed the stuff as insignificant emotional garbage

That didn't help at all

So we tried to fix the stuff with massage and diets and positive thinking

And we tried ignoring the stuff to make it go away

And we tried to fix the stuff with hypnotherapy and NLP

And we talked endlessly about why the stuff was there

And we tried to fix the stuff with magical energies

And we tried prayer - hoping intensely that the stuff would go away

And we got pretty good at failing (I mean - at collecting feedback)

Our fixes often had short term benefits and unpleasant consequences

Later we found that the stuff usually makes sense - but emotionally, not rationally

We began researching emotions and the rules of emotional logic

And we found relationships ... and relationship systems

And hard questions we couldn't easily answer

"Can emotions exist independent of relationships?"

We started looking at the role of emotions in relationships.

Fortunately, a whole culture had already done that;

the Aloha culture of old Hawaii

And I had spent a lot of time with native Hawaiian healers

Who believe that "Your health reflects your relationships"

And "Heal your body by healing your relationships"

But this type of healing is not scientific

Which is a blessing and a curse and a blessing

As we translated Hawaiian magic into Western concepts

We applied concepts from systems theory;

And systemic coaching was the best name we found so far

Operating Principles ... sound so ... carved in stone,

and we haven't formalized or even listed ours

Here are a few, and some are straight translations from Hawaiian:

We are surrounded by ghosts ... of the dead ... and of the living

And we do not really know who is dead or who is living - they co-exist

We are influenced by our ancestors, and we carry their burdens

We try to complete what our ancestors did not complete

There are no family secrets - we respond to them unconsciously

And we take our families with us wherever we go

Perhaps especially to work ... where we may forget who is who.

Transferences are mistaken identity; we may be confused

About who is a parent and who is a partner and who is a child

And who is a boss and who is a client and who is an employee

And we may forget who we are, and lose identity

And maybe feel like with someone else, perhaps a victim

And we may express their angry emotions: victim identified

Or we may say we are possessed - by a dead person

And express melancholy with dead person identification

Or we express our parents' conflicts - by living in identity conflict

And we found solutions for these ... and more.

Coaching with Martyn Carruthers